Our first computer program, "Hello world"; Essay for English class

Is still not done but if you guys could give it a brief look and give me some comments i would appreciate it.

My name is Cesar Lazo and I am currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Computer Science at NJIT. My passion for computer started at a young age. When I was 7 years old, I started to play a game called Start Craft, a strategic computer game. In order to win, the player has to think analytically. This game opened my mind to a new world. I started to wonder how this was possible, how this game was created, how clicking a certain space in the screen would make the character move. From that moment, I knew that I wanted to make computer games in the future.As time passed by, my interest became more abroad. Now it was just not games, but I started to wonder how every program worked.

When I entered high school, I found out that my school had a Computer Science class; I got really excited because I wanted to see if I would like it. I still remember the first week when we made our first program which was called "Hello world". What I felt at that moment was extraordinary. As the year kept passing by, I enjoyed it more and more. That was when I realized that this was the major I wanted to do.

Now that I am a junior at NJIT, I cannot wait to finish school and start working. One of my biggest dreams is to work for Blizzard Entertainment, which was the company that created StarCraft. I would like to help create that game that would revolutionize the gaming industry and more importantly, a game that would inspire young bright minds to be interested in following a career in the computer science field, just like StarCraft did to me.

Before going into Blizzard Entertainment, I still have a long way to go. I would like to explore more in the Computer Science field and learn all that I can first. For example, last summer I had an internship at AT&T where I worked developing websites. It was something new and I really enjoyed it. I learned topics and methods that I will learn in senior computer science classes and it gave me a new way of seeing how programming websites work.

My plan for this summer is to work at Chevron in California. Even though Chevron is an oil company, I heard they have an IT department where they hire computer scientist. This would give me another overlook of how a Computer Scientist can work in an oil company.

Hello cal23,
Please include the prompt for the essay, as that will give me a better idea of whether you answer the prompt fully.

"As time passed by, my interest became more abroadbroad ."

"a game that would inspire young, bright minds"

"As the year kept passingpassed by, I enjoyed it more and more. That was when I realized that this was the major I wanted to dostudy ."

how clicking a certain space inon the screen would make the character move.

This would give me another overlook ofabout how a Computer Scientist can work in an oil company.

I read through the essay and overall its pretty good. The concepts there it just needs a little work

In the second paragraph you said that moment was extraordinary but never went into why it made you feel that way.

In the third paragraph your third sentence "I would like to help create that game..." could be broken up into sentences instead of being separated by commas.

In the last two paragraphs you could talk about why you chose to work at those places. What the websites were developed for and the types of methods you learned while you were there.