At first, it was difficult to overcome my self-conscious barrier and obvious cultural differences

Please help me edit and change anything necessary to make better. Make sure it flows and give comments. thank you!!!

I have 260 words, is it ok?

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (250 words)

In the Summer of 2004, my parents relocated to Troy, a more diversified city compared to the city of Rochester Hills where I grew up. On the first day of school, I walked in deliberately with a forged smile on my face gazing out into the crowd while questioning myself, "will I be able to encounter new friends and succeed throughout high school?" Surprisingly, in a split second, a group of friendly individuals with different ethnic background came up to me with amiable greetings. Equipping me with feelings of welcomes, warmth, and confidence that alleviated my sympathetic system, stimulating me with no urge to "fight or flight". Together like a family, we associated with each other at my new place like home, Troy Athens High School.

At first, it was difficult to overcome my self-conscious barrier and obvious cultural differences, but despite the dissimilarities as a Chinese, I began to build friendly relationships with my new fellow classmates. Living in diversity has helped me become more conscious of the people around me. It has taught me not to judge people by the color of their skin, but instead, by the true person inside. This have helped me come to the realization that we all share some commonalities even though we may come from completely different backgrounds. Knowledge about the lifestyles behind the different religions can be gained through the importance of diversity. Encountering these experiences through appreciations for all cultures that I can contribute to any situation of cultural differences, I foresee to bring more diversity through the University of Michigan.

1. "dissimilarities as a Chinese student/person

2. "be the true person inside" is cliche (and badly worded). avoid statements similar to that, especially on college applications; choose more powerful statements to help your essay stick out.

besides that, i think you choose a good experience to discuss! :)

It's too general and vague. Who did you meet? How did your background differ from theirs? What did you learn from them as a result? Did you in fact learn anything, or was the school in reality not very diverse, having people with many different skin tones but virtually identical worldviews? We don't know, because you haven't told us anything that would answer the question.

Find a way to cut the extra ten, just to be sure. For example, "my self-conscious barrier and obvious cultural differences" can be changed to "my self-conciousness and cultural differences," saving you two words.