How you first knew about BU and what steps did to improve your knowledge? Short essay

Hi, it's a short essay for a question in Boston Supplement :
All ideas about style, grammar and meaning are welcomed.

In Kazakhstan all students are to decide on their majors and apply to universities by the end of their high school. Yet, I chose another track having decided to try myself in a competition for the governmental scholarship to study abroad. Before getting the scholarship. Before succeeding in the contest, I already submitted all required forms to some universities in US, including Boston University and was accepted into two of them. While applying to BU, I contacted with my friend and got information about the academic and social life, living, student organizations and admission procedure in BU. Later, the government sent me to NYC to study language. While being in NYC I visited Boston campus, got acquainted with the College of Engineering and opportunities students have in BU.

Well this is a... bizarre question, but one you answer well. While this answer doesn't really jump out as brimming with personality or creativity there's no doubt that you answered the question and the prompt. My one bit of advice would be to try to spruce up your conclusion, talk about why BU appeals to you or what struck you about it. This will give the answer some more voice and give the admissions officer a better sense of you.

I think you must add some things about your professional goals or something like that. You must show that you are the most suitable candidate of this University. Good luck in the future. I think u will succeed.