'you'll be my first' - Stanford Supplement B. - Dear Roommate

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear roomie,

I hope you are as thrilled as I am to be roommates! I know that over the course of this next year we will learn everything there is to know about each other, but before the time of our lives begins I thought I would share with you some tidbits about myself.

First off, I love danger. Be it bridge jumping, zip lining, rock climbing, speeding on skis/snowboards/bikes/cars/boats, petting poisonous creatures - if there's adventure to be had I want to be a part of it. Needless to say I'm a big fan of the outdoors, and from growing up in extreme Texan temperatures it will take a lot more than a little heat to keep me from going outside. Sports have been a huge part of my life growing up, so if you're ever in the mood for a pick-up game of, well anything really, I would love to participate.

The second thing you should know about me is that while I am active and outdoorsy I'm also a bit of a nerd. I love gaming. It doesn't matter if it's a board game or on some gaming system, as long as it's a decent game I'm bound to enjoy playing it. I also enjoy curling up in my hammock to read in my spare time, but unfortunately that doesn't happen very often.

I'm not a night owl, but I'm also not an early bird either. I'm usually quite organized, and I'm a little bit on the OCD side. Depending on my mood I can be loud and enthusiastic or quiet and thoughtful. My kind of Friday night could either involve an evening out with friends or an evening in with myself, popcorn, and a good movie.

Now I have a confession to make. Since I've grown up as an only child the only experiences I've had with a roommate were during camp, which was at most a week long. So really you'll be my first! I hope that doesn't worry you, because I promise you will love living with me for the next year or more.

Until then,
Alexi

Any grammar or spelling mistakes? Or am I jumping around too much? Should I remove anything?
Constructive criticism, be honest, be mean!

Hey, Alexi! Here are some revision I made off the top of my head while reading over your paper. You don't have to take any of the suggestions since, well, they're only suggestions. lol I really liked your paper, I would just make sure you don't stray too far off topic or scatter yourself all over the place - jumping from idea to idea. The paper really shows that you're fun and easygoing. Good luck with Stanford! It has always been my favorite school !

It just sounds like a laundry list, you make the structure better and it'll be a lot better.
give some examples of how you reacted to situations or what your dorm ill look like or what you want to do with them once you get there

I agree with NeonGhost I think you're jumping from topic to topic a little bit too much. I think a good idea would be to organize all similar ideas into groups and then it would be more organized when you read it. Good luck with standford I love that school lol

Thankyou for the input! I'm revising it this weekend so I'll try to post the newly revised one sometime soon!