"about fishes" - Common App essay- significant experience

Hi everyone, I wrote an essay about an old hobby of mine. I will be using it as my college essay. Please give me feedback on any mistakes, anything that should be taken out or how to make it better. Also please tell me where i can add metaphors, descriptive/ poetice language.

A couple years ago, while visiting a friend's house, I pressed my face against her giant glass aquarium, and saw the vibrant fish. They seemed carefree as they swam between their plastic trees. Occasionally they would come towards my fingers, but immediately back away as I tapped the glass. Guppies, Angelfish, Goldfish, and Tetras; all interacting as if they were a family in the 160 gallon aquarium. That same night I returned home with a million questions related to fish but no idea where I could find the answers. I tried researching marine biology but it was so vast that I couldn't find any specific answers. A couple of days later, I asked a librarian where I could find information strictly related to fish. She directed me to a variety of different books, but the one thing that they all shared was the word "ichthyology".

There were times when the water would turn dark shades of green, but that didn't stop me from being lazy. When I hit the peak of my interest in ichthyology, I was starting 7th grade. I would read as many books that I could find and do exactly as the authors preached. Although most of the books were very large in size, I had no problem reading them. In fact, I was more excited to read those books then I was about reading stories for my English class. The books gave me specific tips on how to clean the tank, enhance the color of my fish, and which foods are best for each type of fish. After dedicating tons of time to reading books, my fish keeping skills increased significantly, as did the longetivity of my fish. I remember the difficulties that came along with cleaning my tank using a little plastic vacuum. I would get extremely frustrated because It seemed as if the vacuum was spreading out the mess even more. But it was all worth it in the end. The satisfaction of seeing a crystal clear tank, along with some joyful fish was a reward in itself. But then it was time for high school. During freshman year, I found myself wound up in homework and studying. I knew that my fish weren't my first priority but I didn't want to give up such a great hobby just like that. At this point, I had decided to push everything that was fish related aside to the weekend. This routine worked for a few months until I started taking park in other activities such as dancing and learning to play the clarinet. This is when things became much more difficult; I couldn't just sit around and watch my fish like I used to. One of my favorite things to do was change the gravel in their tank. Typically most fish owners despise changing the gravel because it takes forever and you always end up dropping the tiny rocks all over your carpet, however I was different. I used to go out and buy tons of different colored gravel and mix them all up to create a multi-colored tank. Since I used to spend so much time reading books about my fish or changing something around in their tank, it was major transformation for me to not be able to do any of this. While I was going through this dilemma of balancing all m my afterschool activities, I discovered that I didn't have to devote so much time to my fish. I realized that my interest in ichthyology could be a small activity on the side for whenever I felt bored or wished to discover something new. I knew that being an ichthyologist wasn't my dream career, so there was no need for me to spend so much time reading all sorts of books about it. I could do my school work and have some fun with my fish at the same time.

Last year my friend bought herself a brand new fish, and they all died in a few days. She was in a panic and I offered to try and figure out the problem .In one of the books I had read, I remembered them saying to always leave behind some of the old water in the tank after you finish cleaning it. This may seem odd at first because the point of cleaning a tank is to remove the dirty water; however, fish have a hard time adapting to fresh tap water. Since all of her water was fresh tap water, we had to go out and buy some conditioner to help make the water precise for her fish. The conditioner eliminates the chlorine present in tap water. She then went and bought more fish, and they all lived. After this experience, I felt pleased knowing that my knowledge about fish was helpful to someone else besides me. My fish had become a part of me and so whenever they did something funny or interesting I would feel extremely content. I felt as if my fish were acting more like puppies when they followed my fingers or splashed in the water because they saw they're food.

Spending time learning about fishes was a great experience for me. Even though I don't plan on pursuing a career related to this field, I still love having all this extra knowledge. I would never think of this as a waste of time because learning about it was a lot more fun than some of the things I am forced to learn about. Learning about fish has definitely changed my approach on learning. I feel that I don't have to limit myself to what I am expected to learn. After my experience with fish, I discovered that researching and learning about new things can be fun so long as you pick something that you are interested in.

1.when i was visited a friend's house

2.but back away immediatelywhen i I tapped the glass

3.all were interacting like they were a family in the 160 gallon aquarium

4. That the same night I returned home with a million o f questions related to fish but no idea where I could find the answers

5. but that didn't make stop me from being lazy

6. When I hit the peak of my interest in ichthyology, I was starting 7th grade
better just say I have been interested in ichthyology since i was in grade 7th

7. Although most of the books were very large in size, I had no problem reading them. In fact, I became more excited to read those books then I was about reading stories in my English class. The books given me some specific tips onsuch as how to clean the tank, enhance the color of my fish, and which foods are best for each type of fish

I'm sorry, but the original was is actually correct ... :]


Both ways are grammatically correct.


Here is my correction: "... were interacting as if they were family in the 160-gallon aquarium'



I'm a bit confused here. What are you trying to say? I think think sentence is in the wrong place, or you should add more details earlier leading up to this sentence, like: "When received my first fish tank, the water would ... " Do you understand?


Another suggestion:
"By the time I started 7th grade, I was fervently interested in ichthyology"


How about this: "In fact, those books were more interesting that the stories read in English class"


@Nanncy22: You were kind to help this fellow out in this essay. Although you made a few mistakes yourself, don't worry. We can learn from each other's mistakes. :)

Yes, as Frezard said, this "lazy" thing is confusing, but it seems cool! Maybe you should PRECEDE this sentence with one about the laziness apect of ichyfishology. Or whatever you call it.

:-)

I like your writing style!

I want to see if you can work on your theme. For example, is this the main idea? ---> Spending time learning about fishes was a great experience for me. --- this is not full of much meaning... come up with a main idea that is fascinating!! Something that tells a little about the meaning of life.

Even though I don't plan on pursuing a career related to this field, I still love having all this extra knowledge.--- It may be more useful to say something about an insight you gained while studying fish.. an insight that will indeed be useful in your chosen field.

Get inspired! There is a connection between itchyfishology and your life's work.