"if I can just float on through life" - Vires, Artes, Mores FSU

The essay is an important part of your application. It assists the University in learning about you as an individual, independent of your academic grade point average, test scores, and other objective data. Your essay should be no longer than 500 words.

this is what my rough draft was:

At Florida State University the 3 latin words; Veres, Artes, and Mores have helped guide the formation of the institution and community that make this university one of the most prestigious schools in the nation. Ever since my first visit to this college I have craved the Seminole lifestyle and envisioned the day when I could join the student body. Besides crafting the structure of this institute, the words veres, artes, and mores have special meaning in forming my life as well.

For the better part of my life I have been planted on the structure fed to me by my family and friends; "if I can just float on through life good things will come." In the past two years I have come to realize that this is a huge falsification of the realities of life. My mores, the values given to me, have loosened the hold I have on the advantages given to me in this life. I have always craved a challenge, physically; playing many sports all my life, mentally; enjoying learning new topics and ideals to adapt towards the way I view the world, structurally; now, more than anything, I yearn to find a new foundation to support me and guide me as I work through life.

When I first made my realization, I panicked, a moment of weakness that, at least, allowed me to view the hole I had dug myself into. Bleak though it was, I realized my mistake; the work I had put off had built up and mounted itself over me. Now, my veres, I still had time to attempt to correct my mistake this foundation did not have to define me. So I set out searching to reach higher ground and drag myself from this hole. When school started I worked hard on the courses I had and my jobs, but the amount I could take was short in comparison to the hole I had dug. I consulted my counselor and found out about the classes I could take online. Already hindered by the new class size amendment this presented me with the opportunity to confront the worst of my mistakes. I have continued to fight to achieve personal success in the bettering of myself, maintaining a 3.65 GPA overall average in my four core school class along with my fresh, four online courses.

Now working a near full time job, four regular classes, and four online courses I find myself in a personal time of expansion. I have never been more busy in my life but everything I have worked for has failed in comparison to the enrichment I get from my motivation. My artes, the skills I've acquired over my life now intensified and nourished with my new found pursuit of knowledge. Every day if I am not working I am studying, there never comes a time when I have nothing to do, all of my classes ensure it and I revel in the interesting subjects I learn.

My goals for college include fulfilling my ambitions and graduating law school at Florida State University, growing with a foundation of truth pride and excellence, and fighting with strength and skill to build for myself a bright and successful future.

any help would be wonderful i cant think of a way to spice up my topic paragraph and i want to move the strength part some how to the front so that they see im trying before they see my flaws to keep them reading or if i should scrap the whole thing let me know also is this topic and spin ive put incorporate the question and show value in me as a person

I remember writing this essay two years ago.

I think you should change the first sentence. Reword it so it doesn't sound exactly like the prompt.

You don't need to say your GPA in the essay. They can just read it on the transcript.

I have never been more busybusier in my life but everything I have worked for has failed in comparison to the enrichment I get from my motivation.

For the better part of my life I have been planted on the structure fed to me by my family and friends. . .
This sounds way too wordy.

To be honest, I found your essay kind of dry. I think you should talk less about academics and more about what you do outside the classroom. Just my opinion.

need help fst FSU adm essay values strengths and excellence anythng is apreciated

i want to incorporate the other 2 ideals in the next paragraph any ideas to help with that would be nice and just relay any help commentary or input i need this paper to turn out perfect and the more help i get the more chance i have to go right

-The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

The setting is freshman year in high school; the sport is varsity wrestling weight class 152lbs, the environment, one filled with traditional excellence. "Absolute focus is what i remember most," thinking back to that tournament, The Capital City Classic. This was the first time i had visited Florida State University. I remember the awe I felt as i drove in under the towering gothic architecture, and the contentment instilled in me by the serene layout of the campus, but my contentment was brushed aside, filled with a longing. From that moment on my goal has been to join the body that is Florida State. The traditional philosophies of Florida State, the build and maturity of strengths through life, the personal objective to always be better and excel in whatever comes your way, and the traditional values paving the pursuit of originality and exceptionality in your character through life, have helped hone me as a person.

Our character is built from our experiences but all of us have innate strengths, abilities and ideals that give us an edge and lead us to the experiences we build off. Physically, I have been blessed with the ability to grow and produce results, I have been given a healthy body that is always yearning for more action, whether its football, surfing, or any other sports I endeavor I can pick it up and drive it home. Mentally, the world is full of knowledge and I make it my goal to learn and experience all I can, whether information on the legal system of New Zealand's Ministry of Justice from an academic class, or learning the trends and patterns of offensive backs and wrestlers in sports. Morally I revel in being useful; my great love is assisting people in meeting their goals, whether giving my time, strength, and transportation to a coworker moving into a new apartment, or as simple as playing in the worship band with my twin brother or sharing a message at church to assist people in feeling humbled by a higher power.

Thanks a lot for the comments. It really helped a lot!!!..:D
My great love is assisting people in meeting their goals---> I have great passion for assisting people in meeting their goals.
rephrase the "whether giving my time ,strength and transportation ...
I think u can delete (as simple as)

gud luck...:)