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Florida State University Essay Prompt 2009-2010 (draft too long?)


AnimeEye 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2009   #1
Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

How does a person know what a individual looks like who carries the values found in Vires, Artes and Mores? Florida State University has carried these values of strength, beauty and character for almost one hundred years. The guiding philosophy behind Florida State University has also been an significant role in my life,That helped me grow into a strong, compassionate, dream driven individual that I am today.

When I first moved into the state of Missouri, my mother and father were separated and as a child in elementary school that was extremely difficult, as it would be for anyone at any age. Also when we moved there my teachers noticed very quickly that I was learning slower then the other children, and often rarely understood what was going on,including the fact that I was extremely disorganized. Soon I was diagnosed with Dyslexia and Attention Deficit Disorder. So as the year progressed, I was sent into a class for children with learning disabilities. As you would assume, It would be easier for me to learn there based on the fact that the population of students in this classroom was very low and one-on-one attention was only expected, but It wasn't as it seemed. My teachers would often harass, tease and verbally abuse me in class because of my disabilities. Most of the educators I was surrounded by had no faith in my abilities to succeed except one teacher, who wasn't even a Reading Teacher, but an Art teacher. She also noticed my difficulties in learning based on my disabilities and emotional stress. She was a great teacher and also a devoted mother, as well as spared time out of her own summer in order to teach me something my teachers neglected, how to read. As the time went by, it was proven,I had the capability of learning if the chance was given. She wanted to continue the process but a tragic car accident occurred while she was driving home from church, she died. This incident put her family as well as mine own in even more emotional stress then we were already in, not just because she was the only teacher who had faith in my abilities, but because she became a friend, someone we grew to love. Even though the mourning period, time stops for no man, during that time I learned to apply the teachings Mrs Murray taught me and progressed from them. As I progressed into Junior High I started to transition out of those classes, slowly into the regular classrooms. Then, when I got into High-school I soon didn't have to take any of those classes at all. I struggled in the regular classes at first, but then it became easy after sometime, and I found myself becoming bored in the classrooms, I spoke to my teacher about it, and she recommended me into Advanced Placement classes. Thanks to the strength I was given by my Art teacher and family I was motivated to move up and excel to great new heights. I've leant to overcome bad experiences and learn from them.

With the yearning to help others I tend to be extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings, especially around friends and people I'm not familiar with.I'm also adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. In times of decision I tend to be mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. I tend to look at the long distance possibilities more then the short range. I easily become very excited about theories and ideas. Exceptionally capable and driven to turn theories into clear understandings. I also Highly value knowledge, competence and logic in other people as well as myself. I also have a creative side, letting the rhythm of poetry and music flow is a passion that I hold personally dear.My eleventh grade year of high school I won the school poetry contest. On my own free time I tend to write personal poetry and songs and produce music. Continuously growing in quality I've gone far in my work.

An individual who demonstrates strength to venture, persevere and withstands negative obstacles and can learn from them and grow, is what a individual looks like who holds these values. A student who has both been though hardship and joy, who can still grasp a well balanced heart, mentality and moral sense.

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I also noticed that I wrote my first Draft too long, so if there's anything that you may fine unnecessary, please tell me, that would be very appreciated.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 26, 2009   #2
When I first moved into the state of to Missouri...

Don't try to say too much in one sentence:
...my mother and father were separated; as a child in elementary school, I found that experience to be extremely difficult. as it would be for anyone at any age.

With the yearning to help others I tend to be extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings, especially around friends and people I'm not familiar with.----> This sentence could be better... you mean to say that your yearning to help others causes you to be intuitive... but how do you know you are intuitive? "Show, don't tell."


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