"Fly your geek flag!" one of your extracurricular activities or work experience

This is for my short essay on the common app. I'll be sending it to Northwestern, USC, University of Michigan and Villanova so I really need it to stand out!

"Fly your geek flag!" These words are often spoken by my conductor and have come to define my high school experience. I originally joined choir as an outlet for my musical passions and I was lucky enough to also discover a family who fosters the very best in me. My freshman year I was a shy, awkward kid with no confidence but, through choir I've learned how to be proud of my passions and pursue them intensely. I've created my deepest relationships through choir and the eccentricities we share. There are days where the shadows of my earlier years want to reclaim my self-esteem but, by simply letting my voice join fifty-one others into one magnificent sound I feel a rush of relief as my confidence is rejuvenated.

Thanks so much.

I originally joined choir as an outlet for my musical passions, and I was lucky enough to also discover a family who fosters the very best in me.

I believe not having the comma would make it a run-on. I would also maybe re-write it as:

" I originally joined choir as an outlet for my musical passion, and in the process I was lucky enough to discover a family who fosters the very best in me."

Umm, I'm not sure exactly why... but I was taught that it was ", but" not "but,"

Anyways, its a really good short answer and it will stick out. Good job.

Yeah it is ", but" I don't know why I did it that way... and thank you!

Hey wildcat, my main quibble with your essay is this sentence: "My freshman year I was a shy, awkward kid with no confidence but, through choir I've learned how to be proud of my passions and pursue them intensely." Colleges want you to show not tell. HOW have you learnt to be proud of your passions? Is it a particular unique aspect of choir? If so what is it? Tell me a story mate. Give quotes. But don't tell me you're passionate. Too many people fall into that trap. Otherwise, great job.