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"a place in the Indian community" - Extracurricular Activities/Work Experience


trishhha 8 / 23  
Aug 25, 2011   #1
Common App Short Essay: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extra curricular activities or work experience. (1000 characters maximum)

Please be critical, I need suggestions!

Ever wonder how the 10:00 news was shot live on camera and projected to millions of television sets in just a matter of seconds? I did too and that's why I decided to go to TV Asia, a South-Asian broadcasting channel, to satisfy my curiosity. I ended up getting an internship there for the summer and they allotted me a half an hour news slot. This would mean that I had to edit, clip, and write the script for the 10:00 news. The anchor for that news show would then read my script to millions of viewers all across North America and I would sit there in the green room, amusingly watching how it was projected to these viewers. This small fascination of mine led me to watch other South-Asian news channels and I eventually developed an idea that would change my community.

My plan was to introduce Hindi, India's national language, as a foreign language class in my high school. I introduced my project to TV Asia and my idea allowed them to develop a new idea for a television series which they would call, Hindi Now. This show would teach young Indian children the language and I am proud to be a part of the development of that show. I never envisioned this initial curiosity of mine to go this far but it landed me with an internship and a place in the Indian community.

crackhamster 5 / 10  
Aug 25, 2011   #2
I like it! Shows off your achievements but keeps concise. Hope all goes well with applications!
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Aug 25, 2011   #3
thank you so much :) I'm 44 characters above the max so do you have any suggestions on cutting it down maybe?
crackhamster 5 / 10  
Aug 25, 2011   #4
trishhha
Ever wonder how the 10:00 news was shot live on camera and projected to millions of television sets in just a matter of seconds? I did too and that's why I decided to go to TV Asia, a South-Asian broadcasting channel, to satisfy my curiosity. I ended up getting an internship there for the summer and they allotted me a half an hour news slot. This would mean that I had to edit, clip, and write the script for the 10:00 news. The anchor for that news show would then read my script to millions of viewers all across North America and I would sit there in the green room, amusingly watching how it was projected to these viewers. This small fascination of mine soon developed into an idea that would impact my community as a whole.

My plan was to introduce Hindi, my native language , as a foreign language class in my high school. I introduced my project to TV Asia and my idea allowed them to develop a new program for a television series which they would call, Hindi Now. This show would teach young Indian children the language and I am proud to be a part of the development of that show. I never envisioned this initial curiosity of mine to go this far but it landed me with an internship and a place in the Indian community.

I'm assuming your nationality is Indian, as is mine, but if not I would remove the "my native language" bit altogether. My revised response is 999 characters. Hope this helps!
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Aug 25, 2011   #5
i really needed that :) thank you so much once again!
isabellaclaudia 14 / 31  
Aug 26, 2011   #6
wow did you really do that? what an amazing achievement!! i really like ur explanation. you start with a question that is thought-provoking and managed to retell the story with a flow within 1000 characters only. it was percise, concise, and enticing really.
Rechy 11 / 73  
Aug 27, 2011   #7
crackhamster could you please help me review my essay on extracurricular activities.I'm above the word limit any idea on cutting the words short would be appreciated.
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Sep 18, 2011   #8
could you help me on my other main common app essay?


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