What makes you the perfect candidate? why are you interested in the major you are applying to? (chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments)
need critique! I have some problems with the grammar...
Early June to the middle of December are the hardest months of this year, started from choosing the university to writing an essay. Everyone asked me where I want to go after finishing high school, "FIT in New York is the place where I want continue my study", I answered them. Obviously, I live in Jakarta and as a student, studying abroad is one of my dream. I keep telling them how great is FIT, even though they seemed so shocked to know FIT is located in the NY, which is so far away from my hometown, the tuition fee and living cost are also much more expensive compare to Jakarta. Luckily, my parents allow me to apply to FIT after some deals.
Following my childhood dream, to run a boutique in the middle of the crowded and busy town. I am sure my boutique is not an ordinary one. It is unique, presents my personality, reflects my style, sweet and will perfectly carry a new influence in fashion element, coming soon in the future. I had already planned and imagined the ideas on my mind. Therefore, to actualize my dream and to make it real, I need FIT, especially to study in FMM. FIT's FMM major is a gate to great opportunities to help me run my own business in the future. I am interested with the curriculum, teaches the concept of store-branded merchandise for targeted customer segments, learn how to deal with business and store ethics, also to expand my knowledge about marketing/merchandising plan.
Rejections and distrusts are the other strong reasons that made me choose FMM. I remember the words from those people who once pushed me down and told me that anything related in fashion business will not make a promising career for you, either you are not too good on it or fashion business won't guarantee you perfect future. "If you want business, go for general business, not fashion. And if you are more into fashion, go for design. Do not combine them specifically", my aunt said. My explanations will not change their mind and since that on, I take their opinions as my starter, the beginning for me to keep going and so for one day, I will thank them for their point of view about fashion business that makes me work harder and to prove them what I will gain in fashion business field.
"I can't separate both Fashion and Business, I'm captivated by fashion, which leads me to style and teaches me to express myself physically, for business, it brings my personality and character, gives me precious lesson to dare to be myself, Fashion business do not give limit to my imagination" this is my personal opinion about fashion business. I know FIT is not an easy school, it is known as a risky, "strict" and a place arranged for people with vision and good ambition as what I heard from some sources, but I believe with my ability to work hard, to face risks and to learn from past, that I've ever been in this situation, when I moved to the capital city and I had to adapt myself with different, new pressure. I am able to work under pressure and deadlines, but the most important of all is that I have a dream, to have my own characteristic of fashion boutique, and to prove my family.
Closing choices :
1. What I have observed overall is, there are so many people claimed they love fashion. But it only takes a few to understand. Fashion is not all about glamour or luxury. Most people do not understand the background behind it. They see a glittery magenta mini dress and judge it as nasty outfit. You do not have to put a lot of effort to catch the eyes. Do not be a fashion victim, do it for your own style, Fashion is only the cover of a style, and style is what based on us, our character, our confidence, and the pride.
2. Feel amazed by how FIT produces so many talented and great fashion leaders every season, With full of confidence, I ensure that if FIT give me chance to be one of them, I promise I can be more than what is expected and now, I'm on my way to success, start from how I write this essay!
need critique! I have some problems with the grammar...
Early June to the middle of December are the hardest months of this year, started from choosing the university to writing an essay. Everyone asked me where I want to go after finishing high school, "FIT in New York is the place where I want continue my study", I answered them. Obviously, I live in Jakarta and as a student, studying abroad is one of my dream. I keep telling them how great is FIT, even though they seemed so shocked to know FIT is located in the NY, which is so far away from my hometown, the tuition fee and living cost are also much more expensive compare to Jakarta. Luckily, my parents allow me to apply to FIT after some deals.
Following my childhood dream, to run a boutique in the middle of the crowded and busy town. I am sure my boutique is not an ordinary one. It is unique, presents my personality, reflects my style, sweet and will perfectly carry a new influence in fashion element, coming soon in the future. I had already planned and imagined the ideas on my mind. Therefore, to actualize my dream and to make it real, I need FIT, especially to study in FMM. FIT's FMM major is a gate to great opportunities to help me run my own business in the future. I am interested with the curriculum, teaches the concept of store-branded merchandise for targeted customer segments, learn how to deal with business and store ethics, also to expand my knowledge about marketing/merchandising plan.
Rejections and distrusts are the other strong reasons that made me choose FMM. I remember the words from those people who once pushed me down and told me that anything related in fashion business will not make a promising career for you, either you are not too good on it or fashion business won't guarantee you perfect future. "If you want business, go for general business, not fashion. And if you are more into fashion, go for design. Do not combine them specifically", my aunt said. My explanations will not change their mind and since that on, I take their opinions as my starter, the beginning for me to keep going and so for one day, I will thank them for their point of view about fashion business that makes me work harder and to prove them what I will gain in fashion business field.
"I can't separate both Fashion and Business, I'm captivated by fashion, which leads me to style and teaches me to express myself physically, for business, it brings my personality and character, gives me precious lesson to dare to be myself, Fashion business do not give limit to my imagination" this is my personal opinion about fashion business. I know FIT is not an easy school, it is known as a risky, "strict" and a place arranged for people with vision and good ambition as what I heard from some sources, but I believe with my ability to work hard, to face risks and to learn from past, that I've ever been in this situation, when I moved to the capital city and I had to adapt myself with different, new pressure. I am able to work under pressure and deadlines, but the most important of all is that I have a dream, to have my own characteristic of fashion boutique, and to prove my family.
Closing choices :
1. What I have observed overall is, there are so many people claimed they love fashion. But it only takes a few to understand. Fashion is not all about glamour or luxury. Most people do not understand the background behind it. They see a glittery magenta mini dress and judge it as nasty outfit. You do not have to put a lot of effort to catch the eyes. Do not be a fashion victim, do it for your own style, Fashion is only the cover of a style, and style is what based on us, our character, our confidence, and the pride.
2. Feel amazed by how FIT produces so many talented and great fashion leaders every season, With full of confidence, I ensure that if FIT give me chance to be one of them, I promise I can be more than what is expected and now, I'm on my way to success, start from how I write this essay!
