Your essay should answer the following questions: What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? The essay is also your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments. (No more than 750 words, please.)
Fashion has always been my outlet to express myself growing up. From turning every aisle into a runaway and putting on a fashion show for a can of green beans at 7 years old to the hallways at school at age 16, fashion is my form of expression. My style has not always been consistent as it has changed numerous times throughout my life due to the fact I grew up in a small suburban town in Massachusetts. The majority of the people I attend school with, wear a simple pair of jeans with a sweatshirt on a day to day basis. But this outfit was too boring for me. A few years ago, I came to the realization that I am allowed to wear something different than the rest of the crowd. I began experimenting with different styles in middle school which unfortunately attracted unwanted attraction, however; it would be false to say that some of the comments were not hurtful but I eventually learned to ignore their crude comments comments. My reason for putting on a nice outfit in the morning was to feel confident in myself, not to impress someone. I was unhappy with wearing something that is boring to me so I continued doing what I love.
At my high school freshman orientation, the upper classmen greatly emphasized people of my class to get involved. I listened to their advice and in total I have participated in 8 clubs throughout high school, but the club that I loved the most is KP Cares. This club aids local families that have a family member battling cancer or in financial need. I am not a board member of the club but I wanted to leave my mark on this club somehow, so I designed the KP Cares t-shirt. I have to admit I was nervous of my design not being chosen, but I eventually decided to give it a shot. I incorporated all the activities held by the club because I wanted to represent what the club was about, community. Likewise, fashion is a representation of yourself. Although I did not have to compete against anyone else's design, it makes me proud/happy to see people wearing my design around the school.
Throughout high school I have consecutively made honor roll and maintained a 3.5 GPA but during elementary and middle school I struggled to maintain a C average. When I entered my freshman year of highschool, I made my goal to achieve all honors throughout the next four years. I began high school by taking some essential college preparatory classes and college preparatory classes that I excelled in, however; I wanted to challenge myself so each year I moved up a level in one or more classes. Now as a senior, I take honors and AP courses, something I would never thought possible four years ago. My success in high school is due to my ambition and my willingness to challenge myself proving I have the qualities to excel at FIT.
I have always known that I wanted to go into the Fashion Industry but I was not what career path I would chose until I learned about my neighbor's job as a fashion buyer. Every few months I would collect her mail while she was away on business trips. I was fascinated by how her job allowed her to travel across the the United States and even to other countries. The outfits on the manikins in the window display attract people into the store and gives them inspiration to create their own outfits. I want to be able to inspire others just how my neighbor inspired me to major in fashion merchandising and management. When I visited the FIT campus during the summer, I fell in love with the school as it is located in the fashion capital. Despite the fact I do not have much experience with fashion merchandising, by attending my number one school, Fashion Institute of Technology, I will gain the education and qualities I need to prosper in a Fashion Merchandising career.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Sophia, I have some points for your consideration regarding your presentation of information in the essay. First of all, I really do not see any reference to a foundation in Fashion Merchandising in your essay. There is however, a reference to fashion design. However, since that is not your chosen major, the story you told about your designing a t-shirt becomes irrelevant. You need to make sure that you present the development of your interest and experience in the world that you wish to join for your career. So the focus of your essay should center on fashion merchandising. Something about you having a flair for fashion and helping your friends to pick the right clothes to the dance or parties should better reflect a keen interest and development in the field of fashion merchandising. You will definitely have needed to know how to sell the fashion to your friends in order to get them to purchase it so that would be right up the job description of a fashion merchandiser. That will also help to explain why you feel that you are a perfect candidate as a FIT student.
Next, your reason and influence for wishing to pursue a career in fashion is tepid and weak. No reviewer will believe that you developed such a strong interest simply by collecting the mail of your neighbor. There wasn't even reference to you speaking to your neighbor over a period of time and allowing her influence to rub off you which is why you chose a similar career to hers. The spelling of mannequins is wrong in your essay so you should correct it to the spelling I am using in this sentence. Finally, just because FIT is located in New York, that doesn't mean that it is the school for you or that you are a fit for the school. You need to show an academic connection to the school at the very least. An interest in their training programs, or similar offerings will be acceptable reasons for the reviewer to believe that you just might succeed as a FIT student.
