Hi, these are my answers for the supplementary application questions. I am not sure if they are good enough, or if even good at all. Please help me improve them by providing suggestions and comments. Thank You Very Much!
(it is due by Mar.15.2011...tuesday)
What qualities do you have that prepare you for success in the Bachelor of Science program? (250 words max.)
As a hardworking and consistent honour roll student, I have the essential qualities needed for success in the competitive Bachelor of Science program. Not only am I diligent in my studies, but I am also open-minded and willing to learn. I strive towards excelling at everything I attempt and face challenges with confidence and determination. I have prepared and trained myself for the challenges ahead by working hard in school, achieving excellent grades, and researching about the medical field. My thorough research of a career in pediatrics has given me an idea of my future and I am confident my studies at UBC will allow me to accomplish this goal.
My competitive spirit allows me to push forward with everything I have to ensure I come out on top. My passion for biology has always pulled me towards the medical career and continues to motivate me to succeed as a pediatrician. I value education greatly and organize my time efficiently and productively. Working part time and doing well in school simultaneously has taught me to multitask and organize.
Throughout high school I have strengthened and developed myself by understanding my weaknesses and fixing them. My leadership training has equipped me with excellent communication and organization skills that I continue to develop and perfect. My vision of helping children in need across the world motivates me to strive towards success.
Describe one experience that influenced the kind of science you want to study. (250 words max.)
The panic and fear that I experienced the night my younger sister got ill are still fresh in my mind. As we drove her to the hospital, I sat there holding her feverishly hot hand and feeling completely helpless. Not knowing what was going on inside her tiny body as she struggled for every precious breath was the hardest and most frustrating part for me. My eagerness to help her, to do anything to ease her pain, made me restless in the waiting room. Once she was in the hands of the doctor, I felt slightly relieved, yet my curiosity kept me on edge. I remembered looking around me and realizing how many kids occupied this hospital at this very moment, needing help and care. Later, as the doctor explained to us what had happened, I remember thinking, I want to do that. I want to be able to understand the complex human body well enough to help children in need, ease their pain, and possibly rid them of their illnesses.
My fondness for children had always been present, and after this epiphany, I discovered my passion for biology. The study of how living things work fascinated me above all other subjects in school. To this day, my passion allows me to excel in high school biology. In grade 12 biology I achieved a grade of 96%, and enjoyed every moment of the course. It was in that moment of helplessness that I realized I wanted a life devoted to helping others.
First off, let me just say, both of these essays are very well written and you blow the prompts away.
1) Just change the word "got" in the first sentence of the second essay, and you're good on that one. "Got" is one of those colloquial words that no essay reader wants to see in an essay.
2) You should definitely get a second opinion on this observation as I am no authoritative voice but the initial tone I got from the first essay was a little arrogant. It is mostly from the prompt itself where you have to put your good qualities on the table and show them off, so it might be nothing, but it is worth asking people other than me about.
...but I am also open-minded and willing to learn. ---diligence and willingness to learn are basic requirements. I think you should revise the end of this sentence to say something more meaningful. Say something that shows your great state of mind. Share your unique words, your unique philosophy.
I strive towards excelling at everything I attempt and face challenges with confidence and determination. Again, here, these are basic requirements. Delete this. Replace it with a sentence about your particular interests and the methods you use to pursue them.
--and researching about the medical field. -----Ah, now this is what I think you should write about. What medical research have you been reading about? What articles? Clinical trials of meds or therapies?
You write so well! I just think you need to take out those meaningless affirmations and replace them with substance. Replace them with sentences that explain a detailed plan. :-)
