I would appreciate any help I can receive on this essay. I have not had it reviewed yet and this is my first time using this website. I cannot think of a "nice" way to end it (a problem I often have).
Prompt: Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (650)
Essay:
My favorite aspect of the pursuit of knowledge, is that I find myself trekking through disparate disciplines that all interweave. Any question, whether asked in the realm of physics, English, or baking will lend itself to multiple fields of study. That is why I aspire to be a generalist. I cannot limit my passion to only science or liberal arts. While I fully acknowledge that specialism is incredibly useful, generalists have the power to explore a problem from multiple perspectives. By having generalists and specialists collaborate more creative solutions and questions can be formed, which will always lead to greater advancement for society.
[...]
My favorite aspect of the pursuit of knowledge, is that I find myself trekking through disparate disciplines that all interweave. Any question, whether asked in the realm of physics, English, or baking will lend itself to multiple fields of study. < i think you can omit this partThat is why I aspire to be a generalist. I cannot limit my passion to only science or liberal arts. While I fully acknowledge that specialism is incredibly useful, generalists have the power to explore a problem from multiple perspectives. By having generalists and specialists collaborate more creative solutions and questions can be formed, which will always( are you sure that it is ALWAYS?, if you are then you can keep this. However, I beg to differ since there are parts in the sciences and liberal arts which may have conflict or at least the individuals who take part int those studies) lead to greater advancement for society.
The two fields which fascinate me andyou could use maybefor or since it beautifully demonstrate the interlacedmaybe you could use incorporatesnature of knowledge are neuroscience and sociology. While biology as a whole enthralls me, neuroscience is the epitome of its beauty. The beautiful cycle of human brains trying to unravel their own mysteries. To boil down human history, thought and emotion to chemical processes the connections of neurons does not eliminate the power of human thought, it enhances it. For such power to come from such humble sources isare breathtaking.
your idea throughout is constant, however I feel that repeating neuroscience and sociology throughout the essay may saturate the reader from your topic. Maybe you could expound more on the thoughts of how the two interrelate. :)
Try to divide your topics into paragraphs to make the essay easier to read and offer the reader a pause between topics. That is necessary so that the information you provide can be better analyzed and understood by the human brain. You have written very creative sentences which, I am sure, once divided into paragraphs will prove to be under developed. Make sure to fully develop each field of interest and clearly explain why the intellectual interest excites you. Right now, I read snippets of the information necessary to develop that per field. Try to write at least 5 sentences for each topic so that you can better explain your interest in the field. It is important that you transfer your excitement to the reader in order to make it more effective an applicable to the prompt requirements.
Thank you very much rtan05 for your commentary! The reason I stated always is because I believe even conflicts between ideas benefit society in that well informed debate creates critical thinkers and more area for people to understand their own opinions and the opinions of others. However, I understand with the word limit that would be hard to get through so I shall fix it. : )
Sorry vangiespen, when I pasted the text in I did not realize it became one big chunk. Would you please provide specific examples of how you think more development can be achieved without going over the word limit?
Here is my revised version! I kept a few things from before.
I find myself trekking through disparate disciplines that all interweave. Any question, whether asked in the realm of physics, history, or drama will lend itself to multiple fields of study. That is why I aspire to be a generalist. I cannot limit my passion to only science or liberal arts. While I fully acknowledge that specialism is incredibly useful, generalists have the power to explore a problem from multiple perspectives. By having generalists and specialists collaborate more creative solutions and questions can be formed, which will lead to greater advancement for society.
The two fields which fascinate me are neuroscience and sociology because they beautifully demonstrate the interwoven nature of knowledge. While biology as a whole enthralls me, neuroscience is the epitome of its beauty. The beautiful cycle of human brains trying to unravel their own mysteries. To boil down human history, thought and emotion to chemical processes and the connections of neurons does not eliminate the power of human thought, it enhances it. By examining neural pathways, the growth the brain cells and how their function can be manipulated we are unravelling what it means to be human. For such power to come from humble sources is breathtaking. I cannot imagine any philosophical question on sentience not to take root in the science of the human brain.
In fact, neuroscience aids my interests in sociology as well. The complexity of social interaction and the building of a society, especially in a closely-knit multicultural world such as today, also attempts to discover the roots of human nature, only on a larger scale. I am a product of my society and therefore want to understand how that society functions. In an effort to understand how my societies form I can question the origins and reason for social norms. When norms are questioned critical thinking emerges, and I can become a component in a progressive society. The values of a society shapes its views towards scientific advancement, and therefore the study of neuroscience. In addition, one cannot attempt to analyze human societies without knowledge on the human brain and its processes. Together, I believe these two fields have created some of the defining questions of our generation. For example, is evidence form neuroscience experiments suggest that it is part of the brain's structure to have an aversion towards faces that differ from one's own, is that the basis for racism in society? If so, can a society be created that outreaches the nature of its own mind? How much conscious control do people have to override their own nature?
It is for my love of the multifaceted that I chose to apply to Cornell's college of Arts and Sciences. Not only is Cornell's Biology and Society major unique, the university shares my appreciation for the breadth of knowledge in the world. Cornell's motto proudly proclaims "I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study."(Ezra Cornell). To be in a school that encourages both breadth of experience and subjects, and supports the intermingling of diverse disciplines would allow me to thrive. For I would be in an environment that appreciates knowledge with the same passion as I do.
