Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Four years ago, I left my country to go to the U.S for a better education and to have a brighter future as my parents' wishes. All alone, leaving my family, friends and without knowing English, I walked to the airport gate and began my journey. After a long day, and communicating with others by hand signs, I finally arrived in San Diego.
On my first day of school in the U.S, I felt alienated. The culture was very different from my country. My first challenge was with English. In school, I studied how to listen, read and write the language step by step. Sometimes, I talked to my friends but they did not understand what I was talking about and they gave me uncomfortable looks. I always sat by myself and watched other people playing and talking. When I went home, I spent five to six hours doing my homework. The loneliness of being without my family and friends covered and submerged me in a lake of sorrow.
No one knows that every night, I cried a lot in my bed. I missed the love of my family, the happily times we were together, and the hugs of my parents. I could not tell my parents because I did not want them to worry about me. I kept all the loneliness and stress from school inside me and became calm and sensitive. I remembered when I was in school, the teacher told the class to do group work; everyone ignored and did not let me join their group. At that time, I really wanted to shout "Why does everyone ignore me? I am not different from you!" but all I had were tears in my heart.
When my parents called me, I lied to them and said everything was going smoothly for me; I met and made lots of friends. I talked to them but the tears in my eyes flowed and I could not control it. At that moment, I also realized my parents also cried and that they said they missed me a lot. That was a deep conversation with my parents, a motivation for me, and I wanted to make my parents proud.
I began to set short term goals for myself and a promise to myself that I would definitely do my best and not give up. Every day, I went to library, searching for the basic English books and began to read. If I did not know the meaning of any of the vocabulary, I looked for the definition and wrote it down in my notebooks to study it. When I felt confident about my reading, I began to try the advance English books. When I went home, I spent about two hours standing in front of the mirror practicing my speaking skills.
After many months trying my best, my English skills increased significantly. I am now able to study in many advanced and challenging courses such as Calculus, honors chemistry and AP U.S History. I could not believe it when I received the honors reward for people who earned 4.0 GPA and higher from the school principal. I know this is just a small successful step and I need to keep myself motivated and push even harder if I want to have higher achievements.
Can you help me fix the grammar as well as ideas for me? thanks :)
Four years ago, I left my country to go to the U.S for a better education and to have a brighter future as my parents' wish . All alone, leaving my family, friends and without knowing English, I walked to the airport gate and began my journey. After a long day, and communicating with others by hand signs, I finally arrived in San Diego.
I experienced the exact same thing as you did, just that I came to San Diego around three years ago!!!! I am in Poway now :)
So, in general, I felt a personal connection while reading your essay, and I think you can elaborate on your hardships on overcoming the language barrier, and social exclusion more in your essay, don't you think?
As immigrant students with very limited English ability from three and four years ago, we have really grown a lot from the immigration experience.
You can mention about how your personal faith and perseverance, or maybe include in your family too (?), eventually lead to your success, which can be proved from your taking of the hardest AP history class!!!
I hope it helps !
Good luck with your UC app!!