Essay Prompt: Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.
He was 1 pound, 7 ounces. I sensed his will to fight against all odds. I sensed determination. His parents sat by his bed, holding his hand. It was the size of a wedding ring. They looked up at me and smiled; their eyes filled with pride, hope and love. Francisco. He was surrounded by wires, tubes, and nurses. It was October 22nd, 2005. He was born in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in the Capital Health Center of Trenton. I was an 11 year old visiting as a March of Dimes volunteer. Little did I know then that a 1 pound 7 ounce baby named Francisco would change my life.
How could someone so small, so unknown, be such an influence on who I am, what I do, and what I will do? How did Francisco create this person? He created a person who wants to make a difference in the world: He gave me a purpose; a goal in life. His needs gave me a vision of who I wanted to be and how I would become that person.
I left the NICU that afternoon, and had an epiphany. I wanted to help others. I wanted to make a difference; one moment at a time, one baby at a time, and one person at a time. Francisco inspired me to find that purpose. I wanted to help make decisions to work and lead with a team to passionately help Francisco and others like him. I applied and became the President of the March of Dimes Chain Reaction Youth Council. I opened a March of Dimes community service club at Princeton High School, hoping the cause would motivate my peers just as Francisco motivated me. Once I realized this vision, many opportunities came my way. Francisco opened my eyes to these opportunities. He opened the door to Sucheta Kriplani Shiksha Niketan (SKSN), a school in Jodhpur, Rajasthan, for children afflicted with polio. I met Chanchal, who against all odds and obstacles faced each challenge with a smile and courage unmatched. Francisco opened the door to La Escuela Miguel Vasquez in Guatemala City, where I met Yeni, who, despite her poverty stricken family, was determined to earn an education.
Francisco taught me that there are more people in this world who need help. I work with 19 other seniors to empower my peers to make educated decisions through the HiTops Teen Council Program.
On September 12th, 2010, in my professional solo dance debut, I danced for four hours straight with a purpose. Francisco gave me that purpose. I began to dance for him. Every pose that I struck was dedicated to him. Every time I looked into the sea of faces in the audience, I thought of Francisco and of other babies like him. They did not quit; they struggled, they bled, they cried, and they survived. Thank you Francisco for giving dance a purpose for me.
Thanks to Francisco, I learned to face obstacles with a smile and with a positive attitude, because Francisco did, Chanchal did, and Yeni did, despite their circumstances, with courage hope and faith. I learned that everything happens for a reason; there is always something good that comes out of seemingly bad situations. Thank you Francisco.
Children like Chanchal at SKSN learn how to be confident against all odds. They handle life with humility, simplicity, and appreciation for all that life offers. Children like Yeni at La Escuela Miguel Vasquez obtain an education to overcome their challenges of poverty with the same humility, simplicity, and appreciation for all that life has to offer. Francisco survived despite all of the challenges he faced. He is now a healthy five year old who loves life. Me? I have learned how to live and achieve with the same humility, simplicity, and appreciation for all that I do have. I have learned that I am lucky enough to be able to empower others to grace their lives with humility, simplicity, and appreciation. Thank you Francisco.
If a baby the size of my cell phone can connect with me, then why can't I connect with the world? I need to find that connection in not only a national, but also a global setting. I've come to realize this through the vision that Francisco gave me. Thank you Francisco for helping me find my way. How could someone so small and helpless have such a big influence on my life? He may never know how I saw him struggle to survive, or how he gave me the strength to be the person I am now. He may never know how he illuminated my path to help others like him and others around the world. He may never know the influence he had on me, just as I had no idea that my purpose in life would be changed after my visit to the NICU.
I know it's a little long right now; I would really appreciate feedback though! Thanks in advance! :)
Very,very good introduction. I was captivated and wanted to read more to find out what happened. Although some suggestions...
"I need to find that connection in not only a national, but also a global setting" - sounds redundent esp. since you already mentioned connecting with the world.
"Thank you Francisco for helping me find my way" - this sounds like a good last sentence. It sums up everything that Francisco did.
The rest seems brilliant. Fresh topic! Loved every second reading it:)
One important strength of this essay is that it shows that you really have command over language and are able to think and communicate effectively.
After that, you show that you took inspiration from him.... and it is powerful because lots of readers can relate to this in indirect ways.
Really, this is a high quality piece of writing. Strategically, I think the thing to do is get rid of this kind of thing a difference in the world and replace it with specific plans. People are inspired by a scholar with a plan. :-)
