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I'm freezing. ; Pomona sup


Collegehopeful2 1 / 1  
Dec 28, 2012   #1
Any advice appreciated. Thanks, today is the deadline!

You are walking down the street when something catches your eye. You stop and stare for a long while, amazed and fascinated. What are you looking at?

I'm freezing. My winter jacket is barely doing the job of keeping me warm as the first flurries of snow fly into my face. It's 7:00 p.m. on November 6th, 2012 and it has been a long and hard fought election. As an intern for the Obama re-election campaign, I am knocking on the last few doors of my turf trying to persuade as many people as I can to go out and vote before the polls close. Wisconsin is a swing state this election which makes these final doors even more vital. I am standing in front of my second to last door and I ring the doorbell with a little too much enthusiasm.

"Excuse me Ms. I am sorry to bother you, but have you voted yet today?" My voice is almost a plea.
The woman answers: "Umm no... I don't know enough about politics to know who I should vote for." Having heard this answer many times, it no longer fazes me. I begin to go into the spiel of how vital it is to go out and vote and why my candidate is the best choice.

"I don't have time for this," the woman answers as she shuts the door in my face.
As I walk away from the house defeated, I notice a blurry scrap of red, white, and blue on the sidewalk. I pick it up and see that it is an "I voted" sticker; the same as the one I received after voting for the very first time today.

As I stare at the lost twin of my sticker, I imagine the countless scenarios of how it arrived at its demise. Its owner could have been in the voting booth many times over the years and the reward of a sticker has now become repetitive and meaningless which caused it to be easily left at the wayside. Perhaps it was lost by the constituent whose vote will decide who will be representing the voice of Wisconsin in the United States Senate. This individual may have casted their vote in order to support the election of the first openly gay United States Senator. Or, they voted the opposite and their incentive to cast a ballot was meant as an effort to secure the position that a gay candidate would not be elected. Maybe the voter was out voting for the first time, like me, and bore the badge proudly after casting their ballot and now mourns its loss. In contrast, they may have been similar to the person I just talked to and could have cared less if they voted. Instead they were forcibly dragged out by a motivated spouse or just maybe were persuaded to go out by a desperate intern like me.

Though this sticker may not have had much value to its holder, they respected our political process enough to show up and exercise one of their most important rights: the right to vote. Tonight, my "I voted" sticker holds a prized spot in my scrapbook and now sits next to the picture my mother insisted she took of me casting my first ballot. The lost sticker has also found its place. It is stuck to the Junior State of America binder of Hamilton High School's chapter to serve as a reminder; a reminder that the right to vote should never be thrown away or taken for granted. That simple sticker embodies a right that should always be valued and never disregarded and left on the roadside of politics.
lexirosengrant 2 / 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #2
A great essay overall, just a couple of grammar points :)

"Excuse me Ms. I am sorry to bother you, but have you voted yet today?" I don't think that the abbreviation should be used, and therfore should be changed to "miss".

This individual may have casted their vote... may have cast

In contrast, they may have been similar to the person I just talked to and could have cared less if they voted. Just one of those grammar things, I believe it should be "couldn't care less" because saying she could care less conveys that she still cares a little.

Like I said, a really strong essay! I hope I didn't sound too critical.. Good luck! :)
mela3 2 / 37 2  
Dec 28, 2012   #3
Great essay! I agree with the above mentioned suggestions. There is one minor thing i noticed that you could chose to ignore. " openly gay United States Senator, OR they voted the opposite and their incentive to cast a ballot was meant as an effort to secure the position that a gay..."

Best of luck to you!
adyalas 1 / 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #4
Excellent hook at the beginning, overall your essay is unique and takes advantage of the prompt to sculpt it into your point of view.

"This individual may have casted their vote in order to support the election of the first openly gay United States Senator. Or, they voted the opposite and their incentive to cast a ballot was meant as an effort to secure the position that a gay candidate would not be elected."

The sentence structure seems a bit awkward.
sjmzzz95 7 / 13 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #5
This is a really well written essay! It really helps give a good look at who you are. Agreed point with the comments above me^^

Pomona is an amazing school, hope you get in!


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