essay for fsu (the freshman basketball team and more)

hi i really need help on this essay

here is my essay:

Throughout my school education, I have done many things besides the mandatory academics subjects. I was on the freshman basketball team my freshman year of high school and to be on the basketball team it took a lot of effort also it took a lot of dedication to keep going and wanting to be on the team. The philosophy terms that pertain to this is sport are Vires and Artes. These two terms refer to this sport because basketball is a hard sport to maintain. There are many physical attributes that you need to exceed in the sport. To play basketball very well, it is imperative to have the skill and the mentality to do well in this sport. These two terms Vires and Artes played a well known part in my life with basketball. I was already tall so basketball came easy, but for a year of experience I found out that I couldn't exceed very well without the practice and the dedication of this activity.

Another example of the philosophy term Vires that accommodates my life is how I have morals to live up to everyday. Every day I am determined to do my best at school and conduct myself in a respectable manner. That is a moral that my parents want me to live up to because I am a representation of them. Using morals in my life gives me direction and give me a sense of knowledge because if I know what I'm doing, then I know where I'm going and what I'm going to end up with. I'm going to exercise morals when I get to college because I want to have the intellect and the motivation to keep myself maintained with my duties to stay in college. This signifies that I have the mentality and the strength to achieve my goal or benefit at becoming successful in my major in the future.

Artes is reflected in my life because I have a sense of craft and art. Dancing shows a sense of style and depending on the type it can show elegance. The type of dancing that I performed was praise dancing. Praise dancing is something that you have to really enjoy because you're not only doing it for yourself your doing it for a religious purpose. The art in this type of dance takes time for you to learn because you have to understand what you're dancing for and why. When you are praise dancing you have to feel it in your spirit and feel it in your soul that you're doing this for a religious purpose/ The beauty of this dancing is very wonderful because once you have practiced the dance repeatedly it turns into something elegant and beautiful and I can do it gracefully.

In addition to the period, there are other punctuation marks that you can, nay, should use in your writing, such as the comma ",", the semi-colon (;), the colon (:), and the dash (-). Sprinkle these liberally throughout your essay, and it will become much more readable. If you are feeling particularly adventurous, you may even construct sentences that call for the rarer but always welcome question mark (?) and exclamation point (!).

Also, what on earth is your essay supposed to be about? Basketball? Vires and Artes? Praise dancing? Pick a topic, any topic, and stick with it. In fact, you might even want, after picking a single topic, to decide what it is you want to say about it, a central point, which we might call, say, a thesis, and then dedicate your entire essay to developing that single point. This would lead to a much more structured and interesting essay than you currently have.

For instance, I was on the basketball team during my freshman year of high school, and to be on the basketball team it took a lot of effort.It also took a lot of dedication to keep going and wanting to be on the team.

Using morals in my life gives me direction and a sense of knowledge, because if I know what I'm doing then I know where I'm going and what I'm going to end up with.

The art that is inherent in this type of dance takes time to learn, because you have to understand what you're dancing for and why. When your praise dancing you have to feel it in your spirit and feel it in your soul that you're doing this for? God. The beauty of this dancing is very wonderful because once you have practiced the dance over and over again it turns it something elegant and beautiful and I can do it so gracefully.

im sorry i didnt but the prompt on here but here is the prompt

For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

then here is thee essay again

REMOVED

Here is a way to improve that first sentence:

Throughout my education, I have accomplished many things in addition to learning the mandatory academics subjects.

And the last:

The beauty of this dancing is truly meaningful, because once you have practiced the dance over and over again it becomes and elegant and beautiful form of self-expression.

:)

I was on the freshman basketball team my freshman year of high school ,which took a lot of effort and dedication.

There are many physical attributes that you need to exceed in the sport. do you mean "excel?"

I was already tall so basketball came easy, but for a year of experience I found out that I couldn't exceed very well without the practice and the dedication. of this activity.

:)