Hey guys,
Could you please give me your opinion on my structure of essay for the personal statement.
The structure:
1st part: Talking about where I was born, my passion and how my city was first to be introduced to DSL internet and how I benefit from it to leverage my English language and knowledge.(which probably will relate to in the 4th part)
2nd part: About my early career life, working as a teenager with a family business where I learnt a lot about tech. and computers(also relate in 4th part)
3rd part: A short brief about how the school system are in my country, and how my love for specific topics made me choose my major. And a very short glance about my university days - not details about what I learnt from major but more about how I learnt other soft/life skills during uni time - since I'm pursuing different master than my major.
4th part: After graduation, explaining the difficulty of getting a job in my major due to country being in bad situation. What did I do, how I approached differently(having idea of self employment- only Idea not implemented because after research found out it was not feasible for my case) then eventually about how I found an non profit institute which was looking for qualification matching my skills and background(1st part and 2nd). The job was developing economic and community through developing and training the person acquiring the position then person supporting the community to help them with self employment rather than employment(changing mentality).
Explaining what they taught, to get the title I have now(with them). What did I do to achieve the goal^. And eventually explaining how this mindset and having more self-employment project will help the country. And how acquiring degree from US will help me contribute even more to community.
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I know it might sound weird to you, but I'm really afraid of plagiarism, I have been warned a lot about this thing, that's why I didn't share my entire statement, I hope you understand me and please do give your suggestion, improvement Ideas, changes I have to make.And if you can tell/suggest me a better structure, I would be grateful. My deadline is close, and I hope to finalize it very soon.
Again my apologies for not sharing my statement and thanks in advanceHolt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Sadly, you cannot give me a run-down of your topics for discussion and expect me to give you a comprehensive and usable review of your essay. The Fulbright scholarship is so important and the written interview so vital to your application that I cannot help you using only an overview and per paragraph description of your essay.
My apologies but you obviously do not understand how this forum works. You post your essay, the users give their comments regarding grammar and other simple corrections while the contributor, that's me, gives you proper advise regarding the improvement and/or revision requirements of the essay. I give the analytical review, everyone else gives a general review. This is a collaborative essay improvement forum. Everyone throws in their 2 cents worth and you end up with a better written essay in the end. After you have had the essay reviewed and you are satisfied with your final product, you can have the essay deleted from the server by request. That lessens the chances of plagiarism on your end.
You can always have the essay deleted after it is reviewed to avoid plagiarism problems. You may also opt for our private review services to totally avoid having any other eyes read your work, other than myself, as the contributor who will be analyzing the essay. We will discuss the weaknesses, strong points, and points for improvement privately. I definitely cannot do any sort of review for your work unless I can read the actual work you completed. Perhaps you will want to contact me privately instead.
