I feel this is a pretty weak essay, so any help to fix it would be nice. Not sure if I should edit or just start over.
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
My drive to explore the fundamentals of how everything functions underscores my interests in Chemistry. I wanted to know why we used salt to thaw snow, why iron rusts, and why water can't mix with oil. Chemistry explained all this, and vivified the intricacies of the matter around us. I thought Chemistry was the sole field I wanted to dedicate my life to studying. And it was until my trip to Hong Kong, in 2006, which caused me to want to explore medicine as well.
Her hacking cough resonated throughout my eardrums as I observed her pallid, attenuating, complexion. Combined with her blood-stricken and dry lips, it spoke volumes about her health. I knew my grandma did not have a lot of time left. Chemotherapy had been ineffective for the last few months, and her body was getting weaker by the second.
When I arrived in Hong Kong, I saw my grandma for the first time since 1998. However, I didn't see that uplifting smile I remembered her for, but, instead the nefarious lung cancer slowly devouring her. She lost the charisma, the energy and the aura of affection that I admired her for. Hearing not her delectable laughter, but her strident cough of blood, I cringed in fear. She was dying, and I couldn't help her.
I heard the news two months after I returned to New York. My grandma's battle with lung cancer was over; she fought an enduringly, but ultimately succumbed to the disease. Even though I had expected it subconsciously, it didn't mitigate the pain at all. My sadness eventually transformed into action, as I decided that medicine was another field I relished to study. I wanted to prevent other teenagers from having to face the same pain I felt of losing a loved one. Still, my predilection for Chemistry was unfazed, as I now strived to study both.
Last year, after exploring the Nanotechnology Exhibit in Albany, I finally discovered a way to combine my penchant for chemistry and medicine-nanotechnology. After seeing the exorbitant amount of nano-based products, I was impressed by the vast array of possibilities for it-including electronics, energy sources, and medicine. More importantly, the study of nanotechnology permits me to incorporate the complexities of chemistry with my passion to help others. Through dedication and diligence, I will be able to assist in and contribute to our knowledge on this phenomenon and hopefully cure cancer.
Cornell's college of Agriculture and Life Sciences provides the environment in which I can explore my ambition of improving society through fields I enjoy most. Through its renowned undergraduate research facilities, I hope to apply my talents and interests to help advance our erudition in science. It is here that, as my school's motto says, "I will be able to leave my city greater than when I found it.
This essay seems unfocused and it's also above the limit. So any advice and any deletion of parts/sentences that I don't need is fully appreciated
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
My drive to explore the fundamentals of how everything functions underscores my interests in Chemistry. I wanted to know why we used salt to thaw snow, why iron rusts, and why water can't mix with oil. Chemistry explained all this, and vivified the intricacies of the matter around us. I thought Chemistry was the sole field I wanted to dedicate my life to studying. And it was until my trip to Hong Kong, in 2006, which caused me to want to explore medicine as well.
Her hacking cough resonated throughout my eardrums as I observed her pallid, attenuating, complexion. Combined with her blood-stricken and dry lips, it spoke volumes about her health. I knew my grandma did not have a lot of time left. Chemotherapy had been ineffective for the last few months, and her body was getting weaker by the second.
When I arrived in Hong Kong, I saw my grandma for the first time since 1998. However, I didn't see that uplifting smile I remembered her for, but, instead the nefarious lung cancer slowly devouring her. She lost the charisma, the energy and the aura of affection that I admired her for. Hearing not her delectable laughter, but her strident cough of blood, I cringed in fear. She was dying, and I couldn't help her.
I heard the news two months after I returned to New York. My grandma's battle with lung cancer was over; she fought an enduringly, but ultimately succumbed to the disease. Even though I had expected it subconsciously, it didn't mitigate the pain at all. My sadness eventually transformed into action, as I decided that medicine was another field I relished to study. I wanted to prevent other teenagers from having to face the same pain I felt of losing a loved one. Still, my predilection for Chemistry was unfazed, as I now strived to study both.
Last year, after exploring the Nanotechnology Exhibit in Albany, I finally discovered a way to combine my penchant for chemistry and medicine-nanotechnology. After seeing the exorbitant amount of nano-based products, I was impressed by the vast array of possibilities for it-including electronics, energy sources, and medicine. More importantly, the study of nanotechnology permits me to incorporate the complexities of chemistry with my passion to help others. Through dedication and diligence, I will be able to assist in and contribute to our knowledge on this phenomenon and hopefully cure cancer.
Cornell's college of Agriculture and Life Sciences provides the environment in which I can explore my ambition of improving society through fields I enjoy most. Through its renowned undergraduate research facilities, I hope to apply my talents and interests to help advance our erudition in science. It is here that, as my school's motto says, "I will be able to leave my city greater than when I found it.
This essay seems unfocused and it's also above the limit. So any advice and any deletion of parts/sentences that I don't need is fully appreciated