Any feedback on grammar, spelling, word choice, phrasing, content in general would be appreciated! Thank you very much.
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
Settling down on my couch, I give in to the sound waves emanating from my headphones. Breathing in sync with the beats in common time, the music becomes the air around me. The crisp-sounding highs of the hi-hats and the boom of the kick drum entangle me. Looking at the reds of the insides of my eyelids, I begin to drift away from my reality, duties, and troubles. Now I am the guitarist playing that riff after the verse; I am the four-part harmony blending superbly; I am the "tick-tick" of the drumstick hitting the rim of the snare drum. I am the output of the instruments and voices flowing into my ears.
Listening to music isn't just paying attention to the words or the melody directing the piece. Music helps me step outside of my own realm, providing me with a sense of balance. It is the motivation that has influenced my achievements. From trying picking up the guitar at the age of ten, to succeeding at doing so at the age of twelve; from singing in my elementary school choir, to singing in my high school's show choir, and so forth. The connections I make with the music I create or listen to are so deeply rooted within me, that music has become an almost spiritual experience for me.
Habitually a slightly reserved person, I use solitary moments-such as when listening to music or "people-watching"-to analyze the effects of surroundings and objects on humans, sparking my interest in psychology. Psychology isn't just the elementary concepts I learned in class last year. There is more to psychology than Freud's psychoanalytic theories or Piaget's theory of cognitive development. I have much more to learn about, such as Professor Maas's theories of the psychophysiology of sleep and dreaming, or the stimulus variables and sensory mechanisms involved in perception, such as learned in Psychology 2050. For there are infinite ways that psychology can be applied to our lives and the behaviors we engage in.
In Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences, I have the ability to pursue my interests to full extent. In discovering the effects of music upon my life, I've also begun to question the effects of music on human behavior. That said, what better way is there to explore such a topic than by taking Psychology of Music with Professor Krumhansl as a junior or senior? With Cornell's commitment to research and its excellent facilities, perhaps I'd even be able to conduct research at the undergraduate level, further studying the influences of music on the unconscious processes.
Pursuing my interests would not stop at the academic realm. It would be wonderful to reside in the JAM program house or to participate in a acapella group such as the Touchtones, where I can further explore my passion for music. Or as I do with my high school's show choir, I hope to find a way at Cornell where I can provide a service to the community through music.
In light of the many academic offerings of Cornell, I might pursue something completely different from psychology or music. I may finish my undergraduate years with a degree in Chemistry or Economics. But I know that if I elect to study a different field, Cornell will provide me with a top-notch education. As stated on my favorite pencil, "Any person, any study."
From trying picking up the guitar at the age of ten, to succeeding at doing so at the age of twelve; from singing in my elementary school choir, to singing in my high school's show choir, and so forth.
try phrasing this differently. perhaps be more specific on what achievements your motivation has led you to.
Habitually a slightly reserved person, I use solitary moments-such as when listening to music or "people-watching"-to analyze the effects of surroundings and objects on humans, sparking my interest in psychology.
It's not clear what you are trying to say here. I think you should use a more specific example of why you are interested in psychology. also, develop a better transition between your description about music in the 2nd par to psych in the following par.
The prompt says to talk about how you developed an interest. i suggest starting the essay with an anecdote about how you became interested in music.
I think you have good ideas, but you need to work on transitioning from one to the next. Also, I think you should cut out the last paragraph. stick to your interest in psych/music!
I hope that helps. It's difficult to edit a paper the day its due.
i acutally have a northwestern essay due tonight also. can you please read it? the title is Why Northwestern? (should it be more personal?)
