the game art and design degree - Need a little help with an Entry essay

Hello, i would like your opinion about my entry essay for the game art and design degree.
I am from another country so English is not my native language and i would also like to know if i have any grammar or spelling mistakes

the question is: "How will The Art Institutes of California-San Diego help you to attain your career goals" and it only needs to be 150-170 words

Heres the essay

When I started playing games i found the new world appearing in front of my eyes. I loved playing games and always found a few features that would make a game even better, easier for player to understand and more fun.

Studying to The Art Institute of San Diego will help me to learn about art, how to draw magnificent drawings or create 3d characters for computer games. The school will teach me the basics and the secrets of good art and drawing.

I currently look games from a gamer's view and i want to see how things look like from game designers view. Moreover, I want to learn what are the limitations when creating a game, as well as game engine, company and gameplay limitations.

These are a few of the reasons why i want to attend that school. Currently feeling very excited for this choice because i was always very passionate when there was something so interesting such as game art and design

your essay is simply written; Almost each of your sentence begins with "I" or "I am"; It makes an essay to look primitive. try to rephrase your sentences

Thanks a lot for the help and corrections. Tried rephrasing a few starts so it doesnt have so many "I am" etc. I understand that essay is very simplistic but writing well written essays was never my strong point. I was always using to simple

how does it look now? is it a t least a little better than before with the so many "I"

I think the start was more powerful with the use of the word A in...When I started playing games I found the new world appearing in front of my eyes. A new world - virtual reality- I just think its more dramatic and aesthetic if you put it that way. Or maybe u could repharse it like

When I started playing games, a whole new world materialized before my eyes. A virtual reality where new moves and additional features added to the games aesthetics thereby making the whole experience more fun.

Good work and best of luck.

How long is this essay supposed to be? I think each of your sentences should be the topic sentence for a paragraph. You CAN be good at writing essays if you learn a good strategy.

Recipe for a Paragraph
Every paragraph is expressed in just one sentence: the first sentences, called a topic sentence. Follow that sentence with a sentence that explains what you mean. Then, give a sentence that shows an EXAMPLE of what you mean. Finally, conclude the paragraph with a sentence that REFLECTS thoughtfully on the implications of that topic sentence.

Do that, and this essay will become very impressive. You might need to google around for examples. Do you understand my recipe for good paragraphs rooted in topic sentences? If you are allowed to write a few paragraphs, use each of your sentences as a topic sentence for a paragraph.