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Georgetown Transfer Essay: It's The Simple Things

Justroks 1 / 1  
Feb 27, 2019   #1


Prompt: ALL APPLICANTS: As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you. If you are transferring from a four-year institution, please include your reasons for transferring.

As I hesitantly gazed into the unwavering eyes across from me, I knew something was not right. Overcome with apprehension, I gripped my aunt's hand forcefully trying to suppress the angst that rapidly consumed me. The seriousness of the situation-the profound smell of mundane sterilization-coupled with nonstop panic for the last three days was too much to bear; I was going to give. The nurse's mouth uttered the words I wished I never had to hear, concluding the visual stalemate that seemed endless. "I'm so sorry to tell you that your mom's been pronounced braindead. There is nothing else that we can do. I'm just so sorry." The knot in my stomach grew, followed by a downpour of tears and an outbreak of unrelentless agony. My mother, my confidant, my best friend-- who'd single-handedly ushered my brother and I into adulthood just a week before- would no longer be able to guide me through the crests and troughs of life. Change was imminent, change that would forever alter my life; however, I was able to find solace in League of Legends, one of my favorite games, giving me a newfound appreciation for the simple things in life and its importance in overcoming difficult situations.

Life after my mother's death was complicated and demanding. Besides attending high school as a senior, newfound responsibilities stood before me: cooking for myself, getting a job to be financially independent, paying my own bills, and grieving. The absence of my father only made the situation worse. My mental health was rapidly declining, facing a conundrum I had no idea how to fix; the massive weight that rested upon my shoulders seemed too much to overcome- I needed a resolve. One day, after completing an assignment for my senior English class, I mistakenly clicked on the golden-blue "L" logo on my computer's taskbar. The words "League of Legends," a game that once occupied copious amounts of my time, appeared boldly on my screen. I don't know why, but I decided to play a game for "old-time's sake." For 45 minutes, the typical game length, I felt exhilarated. For 45 minutes, I was free from the external burdens that exhausted me; the weight that rested upon my shoulders was lifted for the first time in months. For 45 minutes, I subconsciously battled my fears and insecurities that manifested themselves into the opposing team. For 45 minutes, I was sane, and suppressed the negativity that consumed me. This mindset followed me outside the game, helping me overcome the challenges I faced in everyday life. I started playing League of Legends regularly, which quickly became the outlet for the fear and doubt that was holding me back. I realized that the simple things in life-often overlooked- can have the most prevalent impacts on you, helping you maintain sanity in a world filled with obstacles you cannot control. It is this appreciation for the simple things in life that helps balance me today. It is this appreciation for the simple things that allows me to triumph over tragedy, to overcome life's hurdles, and find happiness-no matter how small-in life's most simple pleasures. It is this perspective on life that I bring to Georgetown University's community as a transfer applicant for Fall 2019.

So, why Georgetown? First and foremost, appreciating the small things in life has allowed me to expand my ways of thought and have different perspectives on situations. A biproduct of this appreciation has been my revitalized relationship with God through Catholicism. Being closer to my faith has allowed me to cope with my mother's death; I now believe that my mother, along with God, oversee me and guide me. Attending a Jesuit school such as Georgetown would allow to more easily express and practice my faith by going to Dahlgren Chapel, which serves as the spiritual heart of the Georgetown community. I can connect with other spiritual students at the university who may have been through similar experiences. Furthermore, I am transferring as a government major at Georgetown University. I favor this type of major, as political science is very broad; Georgetown caters the government major to learn about more specific fields of study, such as: American Government, Comparative Government, International Relations, and Political Theory. In addition, due to jointed appointed faculty and shared programming, the government department has strong connections to Georgetown's other major schools associated with politics and policy: the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service, the McCourt School of Public Policy, and the Georgetown Law Center. This strong bond between schools will enable me to explore my interests and expand my network. Lastly, Georgetown University's location in Washington, DC offers me unparalleled opportunities to get hands-on experience in my desired field; the location keeps my goals and desires of becoming a politician very relevant. Oh, and let's not forget about the Georgetown University Avocado Club (GUAC), that's pretty great.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,102 3259  
Feb 28, 2019   #2
Justin, there is an error in representation within your first paragraph. A nurse is not allowed to confirm the death of a patient, even if the nurse is in the room. That is the job of the physician on duty or the primary care physician of a patient. You have to alter that presentation to represent the real life scenario you faced.

The part of the second paragraph that deals with the Game of Legends tends to be too repetitive. You say "45 minutes" several times, resulting in reader fatigue. Simply the presentation to just one or two sentences. You may also want to try to connect the game with the death of your mother since that was the launching pad of the whole essay.

Take out the last paragraph in relation to why you chose the university. That is not a required part of the essay and takes away from the opportunity of the reviewer to get to know you without any academic discussion. This is just a freewheeling, what do you want me to know about you discussion. He doesn't need to know why you chose the university at this point. That is going to be the topic of a different essay.
OP Justroks 1 / 1  
Feb 28, 2019   #3
Thank you for your advice! I will definitely switch some things around. Also, as for removing the last paragraph, the essay prompt says to include the reasons for transferring if I am leaving a 4 year institution. Should I still consider removing it?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,102 3259  
Mar 1, 2019   #4
You have not made it clear within the essay that you are transferring from another university. That is why I asked you to remove that part. Since you are applying as a transfer student, you need to make that very clear right from the beginning of the essay. The problem with that paragraph is that is disconnects from the earlier parts of the essay. It also sounds like a brochure rather than an explanation of your reasons for transferring. There needs to be a logical progression from your previous university to the reason why you chose to move to Georgetown. Without that clarification, the paragraph seems like you just decided to throw it in there for no apparent reason. A comparison discussion must exist regarding the two universities in order to justify your reasons for transfer.

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