Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? (max 150)
As I converse with Georgia Tech alumni and students - whether it be the cofounder of Endevvr, Mary Winn Miller, or former high school companions - the thought of being a Yellow Jacket has come to entice me greatly. The multifaceted curriculum at the Woodruff School allows me to pursue the ideal balance that fits my interests: the nucleus of engineering supplemented with a certificate of entrepreneurship from Scheller College. Eventually, having the opportunity to gain admission into the T&M Program provides me with noteworthy experiences to interact with renowned companies through capstone projects, a unique and collaborative application of Tech's versatile training. Furthermore, not only does Tech offer me an excellent education, but activities such as the South-Asian based Alpha Iota Omicron fraternity - one of few in the nation - or the potential for greatness in the Model UN team that's rising in rankings would round out a memorable college adventure.
My thoughts when writing this essay: I think the last sentence may sound cliche, too general, or just flat-out weak, but I am at loss when thinking of what to change. Thoughts? Also, some sentences may have weird grammar, please help me out on that as well :)
WC: 150
A preemptive thanks for all the help!
Ilesh, you need to revise your first sentence. Try to avoid name dropping in your application essay. It sounds like you are trying to go for influence peddling and that never sits well with any reviewer. They don't really care about who you know and who you mingle with. What they care about, is whether you are a potential worthy member of the student body, regardless of whom you know. In these kinds of universities, "who you know" doesn't always help. What does help, is "how you fit in" with their system.
Personally, I would rather not mention the Model UN team. It sounds a bit far stretched. I did however, like the reference to the Alpha Iota Omicron fraternity. That is more within the line of reasoning of why you want to socially become a part of Georgia Tech. It isn't always about academics in college these days. It is also about networking and preparing for your future.
That said, why not discuss a bit more about your plans to join the fraternity? Let the reviewer know that you did research and that you plan on pledging to this particular fraternity for a reason. Tie it in with your future plans and you just may have written the perfect response to the prompt. You've got the word count for it once you delete the name dropping lines at the beginning of your statement :-)
Thanks for the feedback!
This is 131 words now, so I can still add some more things if need-be. Also, I feel like other than the T&M sentence, this essay might be a bit too ordinary, too formulaic. Do you think that this is an issue; if so, any tips on making these types of essays unique?
Conversations I have had with Georgia Tech alumni and students lead me to one conclusion: I want to be a Yellow Jacket. Through the multi-faceted curriculum at the Woodruff School, I can pursue my interest in mechanical engineering while earning a certificate of entrepreneurship from Scheller College. Furthermore, the opportunity to be admitted to the T&M Program will give me valuable experience with critical issues by interacting with renowned companies through capstone projects - a unique and collaborative application of Tech's versatile training. In addition to receiving an excellent education, I look forward to participating in the South Asian-based Alpha Iota Omicron fraternity, an organization that shares my passion of brotherhood and Indian culture built on giving back to the community and networking with global organizations to strengthen my future.
Now that you mention it, I believe that the reference to T&M is something that can be omitted from the response. While it is interesting to note that you would like to participate in it, maybe there are other lesser known programs at the university that can capture your attention and your willingness to join? Do you know of any?
As far as I know, this type of statement is simply meant to offer the reviewer an insight into how much you know about the school. Answers to this prompt normally require a little research since you need to get to know both the academic and social aspects of the university. The essays that I have read in response to this prompt try to bring a balance of academic and social interests. Some students even going so far as to making their own suggestions as to how they plan to start some activity based upon the example of some other university organization. That helps to show that their interest in the university includes a desire to improve the already admirable academic and social offerings already in place. Reviewers sometimes take note of such active school spirit in incoming students. That can also help make your statement more unique than the others. Like I said, it will require some research, but it should be well worth the time spent researching :-)
Why don't you try to expand on your interest in joining the fraternity? Which of their activities do you think you will enjoy the most and why? Explain its connection to your Indian background. Delve deeper into the fraternity relationship and how you see it helping you create a professional network in the future. That is what joining fraternities are all about anyway :-)
Most specially, I think you should discuss how you see yourself as a unique person with varied interests that can be best addressed by Georgia Tech simply because of what Georgia Tech is. Then explain that you know there is more to GT than location, rankings, athletics, and academics. That is why you chose to attend Georgia Tech, to find out more about what makes it a special school for its current students and for those desiring to enroll there.
I hope my suggestions are helpful :-)
They definitely are! Thanks for all the feedback!
Well, I quickly run into your essay, first of all, do not abbreviate or shorten the words specially if they are part of the prompt or what your main topic is like, writing "technology" instead of "tech", "with Georgia Tech instead of just putting "with Tech", this maybe minor but it will make a difference in the impression that the admissions office will see in your application.
You did great in keeping the topic to it's main objective and of course in being as detailed as possible with your goals in choosing the institution.
With regard to the last few sentences, I don't see them flat, what I get though is your genuine sense of serving the community you want to be part of and not thinking too much of what they can do to you or your future career, of course this will matter a lot but in life, you don't get anything if you don't give first and it's good to know that you are very driven and did analyze your self first before taking such decision.
I wish you all the best and let us know how it goes!!!