Georgia Tech Questions
(150 words)
Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? (max 150 words)
Playing and studying hard are my main life motto. As I search more about Georgia Tech, I learned I can follow my motto. I saw Georgia tech have not only clubs for fun such as Seoulstice(Kpop dance club) and GTLOL(Video Game club), but also the clubs to improve student's skills such as VGdev(Video Game Devlopment club). Also, GATech gives opportunities for future paths: BS/MS Computer Science five year program, Co-op program, and internships during vacation. When I saw Global Internship Program, I was undoubtedly surprised about working abroad. I am currently agonizing about my career. I am interested in cyber security, game development, and software development. Therefore, I want to decide which field I want to go as I take Computer Science and Computing Information Internetworks classes and joining VGdev.
We challenge our students to "be comfortable being uncomfortable". Tell us about a time in high school that you felt outside of your comfort zone and the resolution. (150 words)
3. After coming to the U.S., I hated lunchtime in high school. I could not understand what or who my friends are talking about due to lack of English skills. I only laughed during their conversation. Most of time, I got an upset stomach after eating lunch so I only ate tiny amount. In Sophomore year, I made an excuse for not going lunch. People thought I am the hard-work student who sacrifice the lunch to study or don't like to be friend with them. I felt too uncomfortable about new community. However, when I became Junior, I realized I was overly frightened. I tried to memorize people's names and faces in my grade to join the conversation. I tried to be more active in clubs and classes. Now, I know most of people in my grade and got best friend. However, there is still awkwardness in lunch. However, by striving to understand the conversation, I reduced it.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Minjae, as a reminder, we have a one essay per thread policy at this forum. You were not supposed to post these two essay prompts in a single thread. Since you are a first timer here, and the responses that you wrote are not that long, I was given a special clearance by the admin to respond to both essays in this thread. This is a one time deal. The next essays that you post need to be one essay per thread. Remember that the next time that you post here.
For the first essay, you are not really explaining why you want to go to Georgia Tech. It seems that you are too focused on the motto of the university about playing hard and working hard. This created a very confusing and unfocused response on your part. It seems, from the order that you discussed the social life, academic, and work opportunities offered by the school, that you are looking for a "party" university first and foremost. Let me tell you now, discussing that first will give the reviewer the impression that you are not a serious student and you will probably just do enough work in academics to get by and remain in the school. As an incoming freshman, your sole focus should be on laying a solid foundation for your future years of study at this school. So reverse the discussion. Bring the academics to the front, the internship opportunities next, the social life, should be last and must be a mere mention in your response. Right now, the social aspect of the university is taking most of the response space. That is not good for your application.
Your second response is acceptable. Just work on improving the grammar structure by trying to use the proper tense usage, connecting words, and appropriate word choices. Have your English teacher help you review your responses and ask for help in creating a smoother presentation. The essay just needs some final editing to make sure the content is created in a more coherent manner than what you have written. Strive to produce college level writing and responses in both statement essays.
Thank you @Holt and I am sorry about posting two essays. I will only post one essay next time.
So by your feedback about first essay, should I talk about what I want to do in GATech by taking classes? For example, through GATech Global Internship Program, I want to see how other country's IT companies are and experience its culture.
Also, I am college level writing. As you know, my English is not really good. Whenever I read good common app essays or articles, I cannot distinguish whether they are high-level English. Do college level writing uses more advanced grammars?
Minjae, you do not have to worry much about constructing an advanced grammar because you really don't have to do that. All you need to do, as the previous reviewer pointed out, is to make good sentences that could help the reader to understand the points you are trying drive home. Know the right choice of words to use and the appropriate tenses required in each part of your write-up. For instance, the prompt states that you should tell a story about an event that occurred during your high school days. Your story will basically be in simple past beside other tenses that would address 'the resolution' part of the prompt. You did represent past tenses in the second essay, however, improper usage and wrong choice of words somehow affected the coherence of your essay. Yet, you do not need to start learning new words in order to produce a college level writing. Just construct your essay using a combination of simple, compound and, if you can, complex sentences. For example, ''Now, I know most...'' could read as ''Now, I have made some new friends because I know most of my class members''. Do not use the word 'However' to start both preceding and succeeding sentences. You can use another transition word, if necessary, and it also depends on the information in the sentence. So, college level writing does not mean 'advanced grammar'.
Thanks a lot @okorobiadimma14. I was worrying about my writing so much and your explanation really helped me. I will try to avoid using however in preceding and succeeding sentences. Also, can I post my revised essay in this thread? because I do not know about Essayforum rules well.
Even though I decided that I want to major in Computer Science, I did not decide about which path I want to join. I am currently interested in three different fields of Computer Science. Those are cyber security, game development, big data, and software development. I want to decide the specific field I want to go by taking Computer Science classes in GATech. GATech's various career programs such as BS/MS five-year program, Global Internship program, and Co-ops will also help me to decide my career. Also, there are lots of clubs in GATech that are related to Computer Science-HackGT, GreyHat, VGdev, Georgia Tech Big Data Club-will help me to use the contents I learned from school in real world. Other than the clubs about Computer Science, there are immense clubs for sports, music, and other activities. GATech will help me to balance college life while deciding my career.
I revised the first one. I removed my motto part and talked about the career more seriously.
