Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
For as long as I can remember, my feet have never been delicate. From a very young age, I became enamored with soccer (or football as we call it in my country), perhaps unknowingly emulating my older brother who lived and breathed the sport. He began me to teach the intricacies of football (by my request) and I fell deeply in love with the sport, initiating a long and somewhat unhealthy relationship.
I began training with my school in the ninth grade, steadily improving my skills and forming bonds with the other girls. We were all very different, yet similar in that we all loved having fun, we were fond of winning, and we worked hard towards our goals. Football became a huge part of me, until I couldn't imagine my life without it. During my time with the school's team, I've gained a wealth of experience in teamwork, coordination and intuition. I now understand what it means to sacrifice, and the important roles that both passion and practice play in life.
My feet may be a bit rough, but I'm proud of what they've accomplished.
(1039 characters)
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'd also like a little help to get to 1000 characters, are there any unnecessary sentences? I'll read yours, if you'd like
"He began me to teach" should be ---> He began to teach me.
This is a great personal story, but at the end I found myself asking how does this passion you have make you a good student? Who does it reflect on your academic work, etc. I think there is a bigger picture that can be drawn from this story.
I think this response is very good and the part about your brother makes the essay easier to relate to.
However, the first sentence doesn't read too easily. you should just say "For as long as I can remember, my feet have been rough (or any synonym of)"
Instead of "(football as we call it in my country)" you should add the name of your country and check if it is not spelled Futbol as it is in some countries, though I'm sure you know how to spell the name of your favorite sport. :)
The ending is brilliant, it shows that you are the type of person who doesn't complain but makes the best of what you've got and are proud of your accomplishments. very good qualities are shining through in this essay, I'd pat myself in the back if I were you!
please take a look at mine! I really need some help, I need to submit is asap!
@edwkoc Thank you! I'll try to tie it into my academic life :)
@Pradodiana1 Thank you very much! Those are brilliant changes :) I'll be sure to read yours
