Slowly fading away, I looked at my sister, although I had barely seen her, since the room was dull. The open door only made it harder to see her face, yet I knew that it was my little sister. I said with a weak voice, quitelly "Ya umirayu, skazhi mame i pape chto ya ih lublu" which means from russian "I'm dying, tell mom and dad that i love them". I didn't think about anything at that moment, I felt nothing, I only wanted to sleep. I was only 5 years old at that moment, yet I knew that I was going to sleep, and for pretty long. Suddenly the room became bright, and my parents heard our conversation, they asked "Ne boldi??" which means from Kazakh ``what happened?" My mother removed the blanket and suddenly: It was all blood, everything, the blanket, the bed, myself. I don't remember what happened next, until i came into consciousness in hospital, right at the moment where they injected me with anesthesia. Everything started to triple quadruple, I had seen many faces of the same people like if someone had changed my eyes with a kaleidoscope, and then after that i don't remember anything. The most interesting thing is that I was always curious about human memory, how suddenly even after a key moment in your life you may forget it. Why do children not remember almost anything, and yet sometimes remember silly moments? I remember a scene where I was playing with kazoo better than most things that I learned, I remember that it was blueish green. I remember that the weather was not cold or hot, yet if you ask me about the weather 1 week ago, I will not be able to tell you.Even the moment where i was dying, i remember it not as good as the moment where i was playing with some toy. Yet that moment where I was on the brink of death, made me realize that it's important to do something that will help people in this life. We moved to Malaysia and I had a fun time, made a lot of friends, however then we moved back to my home country. I found a friend, who got into one of the best schools in my home country with a stipend, and I wanted that too, so I studied hard, however I had problems with studying. Back then I was an emotionally unstable person, and screamed when I wasn't able to solve a problem. I cried. Yet my results improved, however i started to experience even more stress, and i always made silly mistakes, where i forgot to do this, to do that. I forgot one day to take my shoes, and started to fear. I feared that my shyness would lead to horrible consequences, yet I still wasn't able to overcome it. It was later on, where I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Hopefully it wasn't cancerous, however it made a lot of impact on me, why i was always having headaches, blood running from my nose. After some time I had a brief thought, maybe because of it I gave into the habit of forgetting things, yet it faded away as fast as it came to my mind. I passed the exams with my hard work. Although I hadn't got into the school where my friend was studying, I got into an even better school in our home country. Then in school I met a guy who had a grandmother, who experienced dementia, a loss of memories of the most important people. At that moment I became curious how we might forget some things, and yet remember others, the phenomenon that was happening in dementia, yet I hadn't paid it too much attention at that time. After few years in winter we were choosing our directions, what we will study for the future career, and since childhood i knew that it would be related to science, however i hadn't knew which science exactly, but i guessed it would be related to helping people and engineering, so i decided to pick biology (for medicine) course with physics (for engineering). I did some work and passed the exams, yet at the finals I forgot that I needed to use the pen instead of the pencil and my work was nullified. At that moment I realized that I'm not ready for university. I need to get more organized, so I took a gap year, did my hobbies, planned my day, traveled across Turkey by myself, tried engineering, and was choosing the exact profession which will be interesting for me and helpful to people -neuroengineering. I became more organized and attentive. Currently I'm planning my day, week and have some yearly goals.
