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Glancing my sleepy eyes to the sky - A place of perfect content



Ben241196 1 / 1  
Oct 15, 2013   #1

School Yard



My school's yard is pretty small. An open space with paved concrete and a few trees around the edge, in the middle is the "brick floor". It's pretty much just like it sounds: 127 tiles forming a large square. In contrast to the dull grey of the concrete around it, the brick floor stands about 15 cm taller and is coated with a really nice red paint.

12:30pm: school is out. Walking down the stairs, I can see all students flocking to the brick floor, the usual stop before and after class. The scene at this arbitrary brick square, where almost every student gathers, is wild! A senior takes out his guitar and plays a pop song. A few join in, singing without prompting. Though everyone seemed exhausted a few minutes ago, their energy is back. They sing with big smiles and happy voices echo around the yard. On a rough day, if I join them, out comes my optimism. It's also the "news center" of the school. Every piece of gossip - from the wildest, biggest news to littlest bits of information - can be found there. If you are new to FLSS, the brick floor is definitely the place to get up-to-date.

In the afternoon, when most have gone home, the brick floor is dramatically different. Contrary to the wild and noisy version during the school day, it's quiet. Holding a steaming cappuccino, I sit down on the brick floor to finish my English assignment. A few other students are doing homework or waiting for their parents. Taking a sweet sip, I lie back and look up to the sky, misty and dull. Birds fly quickly to their nest, calling it a day. A fresh breeze from the nearby flower fields passes me. I love studying here. Whenever I hit a tough question, I lean back and watch the sky. It feels like I'm alone, that all my problems are gone. This time of day, the floor, reflecting the light from the clouds, wears a silver coat. I always find peace here. The brick floor is also resting, preparing for a fresh day with its beloved students.

In a way, the brick floor is like me. Sometimes I'm energetic, and the idea of sitting alone doing nothing is out of the question. I go to school with high spirits, always saying "hi" to Mr. Khanh - our security guard - and sending him a smile. Since my house is quite far from school, I often buy breakfast there. For 50 cents, I get a pack of steaming sticky rice, sitting to eat it with a few friends on the brick floor. After a seemingly endless morning, a 5-minute chat, maybe a little joke and some laughter, and the stress just magically disappears. Sticky rice and a chat, simple as that, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

But just like the brick floor has more than one "mood", I'm not always energetic There are moments when I want to be alone. Different from many assume of an extrovert, reading is a big passion of mine. The adventure in Two Thousand Leagues, the romantic kiss between Romeo and Juliet, Buck's thrilling moments in Call of the Wild. The smell of a new book and freshly ground coffee set my mind clear. I, like the brick floor, want some quiet moments. Sometimes just looking at the sky can exhilarate me, and other times it helps me stay calm. Glancing my sleepy eyes to the sky, I think back about what I have done in life, what I will achieve. I let myself float like the cloud, enjoying a little bit of peace in this busy life and everything seems to get better. Just like the brick floor, a few moments alone are a necessary part of me. And I love both sides, the energetic and the quiet.

rp2013 2 / 5  
Oct 16, 2013   #2
Nice descriptive details in the first paragraph. Unique way of setting up your essay. Comparing yourself to the bricks is very different but nonetheless points out traits of yourself.

"But just like the brick floor has more than one "mood", I'm not always comfortable and extroverted. There are moments when I only want to be left alone. Different from most people would assume of an extrovert, reading is a big passion of mine. "

Misplaced modifiers here.
OP Ben241196 1 / 1  
Oct 16, 2013   #3
Thanks.
Do you know where should I trim down so that It would fit the 650 words limit?
Foriya 2 / 11  
Oct 17, 2013   #4
How many words do you have in the essay?
Maybe I can work on how many to elimnate and get you probably some space to add the climax you want
yumandragore 3 / 12  
Oct 18, 2013   #5
I personally love your writing style, your vivid description, and your story.
I could only find a couple of mistakes that haven't already been corrected : "Sometimes, justbylooking at the sky can exhilarate me "

"They sing with big smiles, happy voices echoing around the yard. On a bad daythey bring out my optimism , soI sit and sing with them , bringing out my optimism."

Please "like" if this is a little helpful. Also, if you get the chance, please take a look at my essays, I could really use some advice from a skilled writer! Thanks and good luck!


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