"I'm a GLEEK" (glee show obsessed)- TUFTS self-identity SUPPLEMENT

Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014? (200 word limit)

Comments? Please tell me if it still sounds uncertain just like what Liebe said. I don't want it to sound like that.

From Carl Orff's "O Fortuna" to my "Glee" obsession of "Don't stop believing", I have always found solace in singing.

Growing up in a strict Asian household, I was raised barred by limitations. I used my father's love for music as my own outlet of freedom.

It is not the magic of singing but the magic that is singing that provides a push. A song captures a roller coaster of human emotions: from the immense grief of a widow, to a simple smile of childish innocence; from a burning passionate anger of a laid-off worker, to a flicker of hope in the eyes of a downtrodden man. Singing speaks the language of the soul- the language not of existing but of living. That in itself is magical. If words could express, then there is no reason to sing.

Singing is universal. It transcends cultural barriers and unites people from diverse backgrounds through one language. Realizing the importance of a united voice, I became a leader- one that contests, one that knows compromise. Just like in singing, you "crescendo" and "decrescendo" when only needed.

Borrowing the words of Mercedes from Glee, to Tufts: "I'm Beyonce. I ain't no Kelly Rowland."

^i do not understand how rice and Manny Pacqio, barred your limitations.


^Does it no longer provide a push?


^These examples are not broad enough to convey a roller coaster of human emotions, in my opinion.


^How did you discover this, and how did you become a leader?

**For the most part, your essay is unclear. i do not understand the point you are trying to get across, or how these points suggest who you are.

Okay. Thanks so much! I needed that. I was uncertain of this essay and I just needed somebody to look at it. Thanks again!

Make it active voice. Instead of "provided a push" say "provides a push", so that the reader still knows that singing is still making a positive impact on you.

Other than that...awesome job!

Thanks for the advice. I'll do that. :)

Anyone interested in giving me comments for my newly revised essay?

It would be nice if this sentence had a sentence before it and a sentence after it so I (the reader) could deeply understand its meaning and significance.

...not of just existing but of living.

This part doesn't seem to make sense: If words could express, then there is no reason to sing.
I'm sorry, I don't get what you mean!

You should invest a full paragraph each time you give a complicated idea, like this one ----->


You do write the rest of a paragraph after saying this, but the rest of the paragraph is not about the difference between the magic of and the magic that is. When you toss a complicated idea at the reader, you should dive into it in explanation.

This would make a good first paragraph: Singing is universal. It transcends cultural barriers and unites people from diverse backgrounds through one language. Realizing the importance of a united voice, I became a leader- one that contests, one that knows compromise. Just like in singing, you "crescendo" and "decrescendo" when only needed.-------but then you have to show how you have been a leader, and show how you applied the principle of using "crescendo" and "decrescendo" when only needed.

:-)