Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

'A glimpse of my best friend' - Wisconsin Madison personal statement


hfdz7 1 / 3  
Dec 13, 2011   #1
hi there.. I am a new member here..
this is my first draft for the essay
I am hopping to get constructive comment from everybody as I am not very good in writing narrative type essay

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

While my mind wild searching for the memory that lies deep in my heart...I catch a glimpse of my best friend. An experience that really sticks out to me during my school year was when I helped a person that eventually give me a invaluable lesson in my life. It happened on the first day of school when I saw a new classmate from my class walking toward house from school. The boy was Liang Shang Zhi, a Chinese boy. It looked like he was carrying all his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on the first day of school? He must be a nerd."

As I walked, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed on the dirty grass. His glasses went flying, and I saw them landing on the earth about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his small eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged toward him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw tears in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, he looked at me and said "hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know him, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. The next morning, I saw him with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and gave him hand to carry some of his gargantuan books.

Over the next four years, Liang and I became best friends. When we were form five we began to think about our career. He was going to be a doctor and I was going to be an actuary. I knew that we had to go on different paths afterward but I knew that we would always be friends, that miles would never be a problem.

At the end of senior year, we had our last reunion dinner at hotel. Liang was selected to deliver a speech on that special night. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech. I was so glad it was not me having to get up there and speak.

During the dinner, I looked at Liang, he looked great. He was one of those guys that found himself during the secondary school. He had filled out and actually looked good in glasses. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, you will be great!" He looked at me with one of those really grateful looks and smiled, "Thanks".

As he started to deliver his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, "The Reunion dinner is time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings....but mostly your friend. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told about the first day we met. He eventually had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned his room for that purpose. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing stupid action." I heard the gasp went through the crowd. I was so surprised to hear his shocking confession.

Not until that time did I realize that by giving him a small gesture of hope to go on live, I had save a precious life. The power of making a difference in a person's life is the best gift that I could give a person. I personally aspire to be someone who brings impact into my community as well as to Wisconsin Madison community and let the impact spread through. I know that the University of Wisconsin in Madison can aid in sculpting my future into something great. Madison's campus will be enriched by my presence via volunteer work, spirit, community involvement, and research, but I think what gives me an extra kick is my curiosity.

elenazafrul 4 / 10  
Dec 14, 2011   #2
The story is quite nice, I like it. And I think based on this life experience, you would definitely enrich U wisc's community. Good luck!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 14, 2011   #3
While my mind wildbegan searching wildly for the memory that lies deep in my heart...I catchcaught a glimpse of my best friend. -------- A good start. But I feel you should keep it in past tense in order to avoid confusion of the reader.

An experience that really sticks out to me during my school year was when I helped a person that eventually givetaught me an invaluable lesson in myfor life.

It happened on the first day ofin school when I saw a new classmate from my class walking toward house from school. The boy wascaught the site of Liang Shang Zhi, a Chinese boy, who It looked like he was walking home carrying all his books after last school bell rang . I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring hometake all his books home on the first day of school ?
OP hfdz7 1 / 3  
Dec 14, 2011   #4
thanks for the correction and the comments


Home / Undergraduate / 'A glimpse of my best friend' - Wisconsin Madison personal statement