Global UGRAD program - a different culture experience, interchanging ideas, products, and influence

Application letter for Global UGRAD

Hi guys, how you're all doing well. I have written an essay of the following question
"The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities. Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?"

Please if anyone would check to see if my essay is alright.
PS: There are two essays here. The first one is mine, second is of my girlfriends.

First Essay(mine)
Ever since high school I always wanted to do my undergrad abroad where lied the possibility of meeting new people and exploring a new culture. I am an only child to a very hard working pair of individuals. My father is a businessman and my mother, a school teacher; the two most important people in my life.

I am someone who does not like to party. Rather than suffering from a hangover I write poems and short stories along with portrait pictures I take, which gives it a narrative to be amused of, and I love to produce music. I find solace in doing something productive in my spare time, something that can help me be more skillful and give me joy. As Franklin D.Roosevelt would say "Happiness is not in the mere possession of money: it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort."

The first piece of writing I ever scribbled was at the age of fourteen. My parents were always fond of my writing and nine years and half a thousand poems later, I got a job as a Feature Writer for The Weekly Newage Youth. Finding a job and getting through university in Bangladesh is very challenging and I was able to contribute to the family as well as my tuition fees.

I am currently in my third year (seventh semester), doing my major in Public Relations and minor in Business, from University Of Liberal Arts Bangladesh. A major problem in Bangladesh is that people have a vague idea of how PR works. Writing for the weekly has helped me meet people who are also concerned about this.

I applied to the Global UGRAD exchange program for two things. One, to experience a different culture, meet new people and understand their ideas and inspirations and cultivate a relationship with them; Let them know about a small country of barley 164.7 million people known as Bangladesh. As Tyler Cowen would say "Real cultural diversity results from the interchange of ideas, products, and influences, not from the insular development of a single national style."

Another reason is to learn more about Public Relations and get a knowledge about business too so I can come back to my home country and let others know what Public Relations really stands for and how important and convenient it is for organizations to adapt to it. I want to change the perspective in my country by establishing my own PR firm, which Bangladesh massively lacks.

I don't intend on staying in USA. Being the only child I need to look after my father and mother and build a home I promised them. I don't want to live the American dream rather live a life of happiness by bringing about a much required change to my country and enjoy a nice evening stroll with my old folks.

Second Essay(my girlfriends) one essay at one time, please

Noor, you are not proving to a youth community leader with this essay. The focus of this essay is more on how you manage to function and achieve in activities that require only your participation in it. You do not involve anyone else nor show any participation group community activities. This essay effectively showcases how you are an introvert rather than an extrovert who helps his community. You need to show how you are the latter, the extrovert who functions well in a group setting. A person who participates in local community activities in order to help with its improvement. This should not come across as a letter to a visa officer in terms of content, but since it does, then put a pin in this essay and use it as your study plan letter with adjustments instead.

For now, you should write a new essay that highlights your abilities as a youth community leader instead. This can include extra curricular activities at school, volunteer activities within the coverage of your hobbies and interests, or civic duties related to community improvement. Based on any of those activities, you should be able to connect your skills and talents with the reasons as to why you would be an excellent participant in the program. You need to highlight what positive contributions to make, should you become a participant.

@zimmer
I think Holt response is pretty accurate in terms of what your essay is lacking. For instance, I would like to hear how your passion for writing poems and stories has contributed to your community.

Also, the last paragraph seems a little bit unnecessary when you say what you don't want, I would rather say what I want, implying what I do not want.

@Holt
@Dannyalc92

Thank you so much for your feedback. I'll write a new essay soon and update the post. :)