My goal was simple;reach the summit of Mountain Fansipan; SMU / Important Achievement

In not more than 300 words, describe the highlights of your most important achievements or contributions. If you have any outstanding talent
(e.g. national sportsman, run a successful business, outstanding community service), please include them as well.

What I prepared:

My goal was simple - to reach the summit of Mountain Fansipan. Of course, it was easier said than done.

To me, the most important achievement happened during my mountain climbing trip in Vietnam five years ago.

It took an estimated three hours to get through the forests of small bamboo and steep, abrupt slopes that really put my durability and willpower to the test. I was climbing non-stop and my body was aching painfully. Three hours felt like forever and my determination was slipping away.

Not only was it a physical challenge for me, but it was also testing my mental capability. I was one of the few girls who agreed to continue the hike while the others stay put at our base camp which was located in the middle of the mountain. I became discouraged without the support from my friends and almost abandon my goal. It also didn't help that I was slowing the group down.

Things took a turn when we were given a short break. I decided to clear my mind and actually enjoy true wilderness. Hearing how proud our instructor was of us, I was able to gain strength to complete my goal. I was determined to not let anyone down, especially myself. I knew that I could reach the top because I believed so.

In retrospect, I was glad to have kept going until I see the Vietnamese flag topped proudly on a stone stele at the peak of Mountain Fansipan. Other than it being a life accomplishment, it was also the satisfaction of reaching the summit.

This memorable success has affected me in different ways. It made me believe that I am able to do anything and everything in the world, with my determination.

END

I don't feel satisfied with it. I was going to explain more but I am already hitting 300 words. And am I answering the question? Is it okay if I write about one particular achievement that has affected me as a whole or give a few more examples that are actually related to the course that I applied for?

Thank you. :)

I think you need to expand some more.

I think you need to talk about your feelings rather than telling how one thing happens after another.


this is cliche, can be deleted


if you are exceeding the word limit, the above is not needed, either

you need something like "I could feel my sweat dropping from my nose. I tried to wipe the drops off, and finally gave up." "I heard winds/birds, were they laughing at my weakness, too? I was laughing at myself. This Champion of XX could not climb the mountain../ Who promised to reach the mountain top ahead of everybody else?/ Who desired so much to see the scenery from the top?"

Hope that helps

.... Well... I too agree... this reads like an account of what you experienced. You need to have more emotions and feelings for sure because that's the way you can creatively present this.

I feel you can merge all three paras into one because they are all explaining your experience.
Also I feel you should tell the experience first and then tell them what you learned out of it and how important it is for your life.