HI! :) I am applying to Loyola Marymount University and I was hoping you could give me some feedback on my essay. Corrections and comments are welcome.
STATEMENT 1: At a recent Commencement Mass, LMU's former President, Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J. said: ''so what is the answer to this deep insecurity we all feel? The answer, I think, is to embrace the adventure of becoming deeply, and fully, ourselves. This is what God is really calling us to. It seems like the riskiest of all journeys, this journey to be one self. But it's ultimately the journey that leads us to happiness, that leads us into God's dreams for us.''
QUESTION 1: Why do you think Fr. Lawton says the ''journey to be oneself'' seems the riskiest of all journeys? What risks lie ahead as you embark on your college career, and the ''adventure'' of discovering and becoming yourself?
I have always tried to conceptualize my future. Doing this has given me the chance to imagine what I want my life to be. Of course, with time, the way I picture my future has changed. I used to see myself as a princess, and a famous rock star, and so many other wonderful things. I also used to think about all the hard decisions that would come along with life. The possibilities were and still are endless. You always have to take into consideration personal problems and special circumstances. These circumstances will always have an effect on the decisions that I, or anyone will ever make. God gives everyone the opportunity to make decisions. Sometimes these decisions are simple, like what kind of toaster should I buy. Sometimes these decisions are more complicated, for example, choosing a career. These decisions help make us the people we are meant to become. They make you weaker or they make you stronger. God puts these decisions in front of us for a reason. But how do we know which is the right decision, or the bad one? I believe that even making the wrong decision does not mean we are horrible people. We are just making the pathway to finding out who we are, a little more complicated. When unsure about a decision, one must take the leap of faith that God will help them choose the right decision.
God puts people in our lives for a reason. The people who are meant to have an impact on my life will influence me and help me make decisions. The people you meet and who have an influence on you, could lead you toward the correct decision, or they might veer you off your path. Whatever the result, even if it is just for a moment, you are happy with the choice that you made because it gives you the opportunity to continue searching for the person that you truly are.
Christopher Columbus ventured off on his ships to try and find a way to China that would make trade easier. In the end, he discovered a completely new world that brought forth wonders to the world and eventually become an amazing nation. I think this correlates with important decisions people make. You can make a decision, that you think will help you find yourself, and end somewhere completely different. Who knows maybe it was where you were meant to be in the first place.
Soon, I will be embarking on a new journey. College. It is a scary but exciting concept. In a couple of months, I have to make the decision about where I will attend. This is not a decision that can be taken lightly. College will surely be an adventure. I will be an adult and be held responsible for my actions. I will be exposed to new temptations, like partying all night, not studying, and not taking care of myself, but my parents will not be there to hold my hand. My parents instilled in me many good values that help making decisions a lot easier.
Discovering who I am will not be an easy task. It will be filled with obstacles and temptations, and the decisions I make will have an impact on me whether it be good or bad. As I think about the person I was, and how high school changed me and taught me new things, I am happy with who I am and the decisions I have made. Excitement runs through me as I reflect on who I used to be, who I am now, and who I might someday become. It is comforting to know that at the end of every decision, good or bad, I will be me. God gives me the opportunity to find myself every day. Even though it may seem terrifying, my plan is to go through my journey, and become a person who is successful and content.
Pretty Good Support for your essay! Try not to use too much "you" in this essay. Can you look at my short responses too? Here are some changes:
-You always have to take personal problems and special circumstances into consideration. (Do not use "you", try to rephrase it)
-In a couple of months,I have to decide where I will attend.
-My parents instilled in me many good values that will help me make easier decisions .
-the decisions I make will have an impact on me whether it will be good or bad.
- It is comforting to know that at the end of every decision, good or bad, I will be me, and I am lucky that God gives me the opportunity to find myself every day. (sounds generic in a way)
-Even though it may seem terrifying, my plan is to go through my journey and become a successful and content person .
