"Godspeed to Wherever You Perform!" - Common App Short Answer Essay

Since I realized that I should probably start my essays, I started small and completed the extracurricular essay for the Common App. I'd really enjoy some feedback, just to clarify that I'm actually doing these essays correctly. :) Thank you!

Prompt:
Elaborate on one of your activities or work experiences.

Essay:
As I held the critique in my hand, one line decisively grasped my mind and seemed to clarify why I joined Speech Team in the first place: "Your piece made my day; I loved how you said 'It's all right.' Godspeed to wherever you perform!" When I first entered Speech Team as a Dramatic Duet Acting competitor, I thought that joining would be a wonderful way to hone my acting abilities and to potentially receive shiny first-place medals; however, this one optimistic critique seemed to alter my entire perception of competing. I discovered that minuscule nuances define a piece, from meticulous attention to how a specific word sounds to a spot-on facial expression. Competing was no longer about receiving awards as compensation for waking up at five on Saturday mornings. It was about truly understanding the nuances and emotional subtexts of my pieces and, of course, about making people's days.

As I held the critique in my hand, one line decisively grasped my mind and seemed to clarify why I joined Speech Team in the first place: "Your piece made my day; I loved how you said 'It's all right.' Godspeed to wherever you perform!" --I think it will sound better if you flip the sentence and put the quote at the beginning (who said it to you?)

"Your piece made my day; I loved how you said 'It's all right.' Godspeed to wherever you perform!", the words of (my mom/friend/teacher) ran through my mind as I held the critique in my hand. It seemed to clarify why I joined the Speech Team in the first place.

I'm so curious about what you were saying is alright. What was the speech about?

I like this essay, and I especially like the ending. Very clever.

I can't find any sentence I want to change. Instead, I'll recommend an area of research for you. Learn about Bandler and Grinder's neuro-linguistic programming, and learn about how they used Milton Erickson's hypnosis in order to develop it.

Also, google this:
conversational hypnosis

If you have not already learned about matching and mirroring, pacing and leading, building credibility with the subconscious...I think you should!