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Common App Essay. Short answer on Extracurricular activities. "Step up as a musician"


sikjw1305 1 / -  
Sep 17, 2012   #1
Please critique and comment on it!

Compelling sounds of bass always make my heart beat. When I first entered the school Jazz Band, I was ignorant of the genre, Jazz. Understandably, I was only a reserve player to whom only one out of three tunes was assigned; however, my self-assurance and love for music never deserted me. I always practiced and waited for an opportunity. Eventually, the chance came to me during the season. Our band's starting bassist could not attend the show, and the band needed a bassist urgently. I also was nervous watching the band director in dither and imagining the band without the bass, foundation of the band sound. Just at the moment, I stepped up. I decided to perform all three tunes on stage. Fortunately, show was successful, and I became the only bassist of the band ever since. Bass taught me the importance of step up and confidence. I stepped up and achieved recognition as a bassist. Through bass and music, I could develop myself, and find my spirit. Sound of bass still make my heart beat.

Thanks
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Sep 26, 2012   #2
Try not to be negative, change the wording to shine the best light on yourself.
When you say things like " I was ignorant of the genre, Jazz" and "Understandably, I was only a reserve player" and "waited for an opportunity." it sounds like you had little confidence in yourself.

You missed a few words:

The c ompelling sounds of bass always make my heart beat.

however, my self-assurance and love for music never deserted me.faded.

Just at that moment, I stepped up.

Fortunately, the show was successful, and I became the only bassist of the band ever since.

Through bass and music, I could develop myself developed fortitude , and found my spirit. The s ound of bass still make my heart beat.

Bass taught me the importance of step upresponsibility and confidence.


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