I have good news for you buddy; Letter to your Future Room-mate ; Stanford

Greetings Future-Room-mate!
I have good news for you buddy and believe me this will give you a huge relief. I am no Sheldon Cooper i.e. no Roommate Agreement, you can control the thermostat as per your will (except that it should never exceed 70 Fahrenheit) and I am flexible with the seating arrangement (so no personal spots on the couch). However, I am both organized and meticulous in my work.

Other than that, I am a cheerful person and I can make you laugh until your lungs explode out. I am really into food. So, if you ever want to grab a bite, never hesitate to call me up. I will always be there. When it comes to sport, I am kind of a soccer freak. I breathe soccer and I can talk about it all day long. Food and soccer, weird combination, right?!? Doesn't it remind you of the Brazilian Ronaldo? Well, if you didn't get the joke I will make sure that before we graduate you are into soccer.

I do not believe that fighting or yelling is a solution to any problem. Hence, I am always willing to listen and I expect the same from you. I am a humble person who will always be there at the time of need. I judge a person only by his personality and not because of his background or color.

I am really looking forward to meeting you. Peace out
Ibrahim A.

There are many Ronaldos in Brazil. It is a difficult reference for somebody who doesnt know soccer. It would be good if added "Brazilian number 9 Ronaldo" or simply "Brazilian soccer player Ronaldo".

I think it would be better if you dont judge others even by personality. Other than that I think you made the impression.

I feel as if I am being told things about you. Goes back to the elementary feedback of "show and not tell." I would advise you to refrain from using the phrase, "I am a humble person"; certainly a person that is humble would not say they are.

But revise your own essay with the eyes of an admissions officer. Answer the "so what?" question.

Good luck! I am also applying to Stanford and need some feedback:)

I agree with the previous comment.

I like your work overall, but I think this part isn't as good as the rest:

Food and soccer, weird combination, right?!? Doesn't it remind you of the Brazilian Ronaldo? Well, if you didn't get thejoke Iwill make sure that before we graduate you are into soccer.

Red: I think you should get rid of this; it would make sense when you actually talk to someone, but reading in a committee will probably sound awkward.

Blue: This part is good because it shows a sense of humor; I think you should re-word it though.
Green: Comma after joke.

Thank You for comments :)
Is there a way I can make the AO love my essay? I am going to get rid the third paragraph and add my love for novels. Like how I can come with a dozen of mystifying and scary endings whenever a bad thing happens. And link this to the fact that I have heard a lot of crime novels.

Well,in order to catch Admission members attention you have to be unique. Those people read tons of essay and they are very bored. An interesting writing will catch their attention and if your essay stops on their eye, you will have high chance getting in. So do you have a unique trait or characteristic that is rare and no others have, if so include it