A good story starts with a good beginning. Get us hooked in 150 words.

A good story starts with a good beginning. Get us hooked in the first 150 words. (150-200)

As she gradually regained conciousness, she became acutely aware of her pounding headache. The enveloping darkness impeded her ability to identify her surroundings; it took her several moments to realize she was laying on the backseat of a moving vehicle. She tried to sit up and look out the window in an attempt to orient herself, but was immediately pushed back down by someone nearby. Suddenly, a flash of light illuminated the interior of the car--what she then recognized as her family's minivan-- and she noticed her father in the driver's seat. In the few seconds she saw him, she sensed something was wrong. His normally calm disposition seemed to have vanished and been replaced by one of trepidation and alarm.

"What's go--"
"Shh! Stay down! Stay down! They can't know you're here! We have to get you to safety!" Her father barked.
"Who can't kno--"
"Shh!"
The only thing she could see was an unfamiliar dusty road illuminated by the car's headlights. Looking closer, she spotted a row of seemingly abandoned houses that lined the street. Her eyes widened; she had seen these houses before...But where? Before she could gather her thoughts, the car lurched forward and became saturated with bright, white light. The jolt threw her against the side window, where she saw the last thing she ever expected to see...

(224)
Comments and criticism much appreciated. I need to cut out 24 words so if you have any suggestions, I will gladly accept them!

**Not a pro proof-reader**

There's a continuity error in the dialogue. A dazed and confused young woman/girl says "what's go--" and her father BARKS " Shh! Stay down! Stay down! They can't know you're here! We have to get you to safety!" Shouldn't her father be quiet too? You might want to say he "whispered". Additionally, they're driving in a car which I presume also makes noise, so what's the point? Maybe I'm looking too deeply into this but I just can't see any reason why he wouldn't want her to talk.

Delete this sentence ". Looking closer, she spotted a row of seemingly abandoned houses that lined the street. Her eyes widened; she had seen these houses before...But where?" Now you're at 212 words.

This is really good though!

The original work truly reeled me into the story you are trying to tell. Unfortunately we had to cut out some words to meet the word count maximum. I hope my 200 word version did not affect the gripping scenario of the story. Here is my edited version:

She became aware of her pounding headache as she regained consciousness. The enveloping darkness impeded her ability to identify her surroundings; it took her several moments to realize she was laying on the backseat of a moving vehicle. She tried to sit up and look out the window in an attempt to orient herself, but was immediately pushed back down by someone. A flash of light illuminated the interior of what she then recognized as her family's minivan-- and she noticed her father in the driver's seat. She sensed something was wrong. His normally calm disposition had been replaced by one of trepidation and alarm.

"What's go--"
"Shh! Stay down! Stay down! They can't know you're here! We have to get you to safety!" He barked.
"Who can't kno--"
"Shh!"
All she could see was an unfamiliar dusty road illuminated by the car's headlights. A row of seemingly abandoned houses lined the street. Her eyes widened; she had seen these houses before...But where? Before she could gather her thoughts, the car lurched forward and became saturated with bright, white light. The jolt threw her against the side window, where she saw the last thing she expected to see...