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"Thank goodness!" - Very short Columbia university prompt



HSaifa 1 / -  
Dec 16, 2011   #1
Hello all, I was hoping that you could help me edit and improve this essay. It is for Columbia's supplement. Thank you.
Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events.

"... "Thank goodness!" said Bilbo laughing, and handed him the tobacco jar.": so ended my third reading of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, one early Saturday morning. Closing the book, I found myself immediately enveloped by the solitude of my surroundings. Alone with my thoughts, it dawned me, more profoundly than it ever had, the extent of Bilbo's transformation throughout the course of the book. Once a diffident, taciturn bungler, Bilbo seemed to have grown braver and more mature towards the end of the tale: all it took was a willingness to step out of his comfort zone. Though I did not have to wrestle giant spiders and wily dragons as Bilbo did, reading The Hobbit compelled me to look at my life and the events that shaped me into who I am today. And so came, a gushing flood of childhood and early pubescent memories. Looking back over the past five to ten years of my life, I no longer see a shy girl who was afraid to recite poems or debate topics of interest in front of crowds; instead, I see a girl who now loves the stage. I no longer see a timid girl who sat in obscurity in class; instead I see a girl who now takes every opportunity to listen and share her thoughts with her teachers and peers.

Reading The Hobbit helped me define the extent of my own personal growth. It is this growth that I will continue to strive for during and beyond my collegiate years, whether it increasing my grade point average or making creamy homemade ice cream even creamier.

pothepanda3 3 / 5  
Dec 16, 2011   #2
Wow. Very nice essay. I think it's a perfect. You really relate the book to your life in a concise but perfect manner.

Though it is dawned on me, rather than dawned me.

Read mine please. thank you.
collegecat 2 / 19  
Dec 16, 2011   #3
This is very good! You really integrate the book into how it shaped you, rather than just focusing on the book. I think it is a very good essay!

Could you please read my essay?
Smithsmithsmith 2 / 2  
Dec 16, 2011   #4
I love it! You write really well and manage to keep it personal; well done!

Just a one thing: I no longer see a timid girl who sat in obscurity in class; instead I see a girl who now takes every opportunity to listen and share her thoughts with her teachers and peers.

I think it would work better as ' I am no longer the timid girl...' but maybe you wanted that repetition.

Also maybe put a 'has' as in 'reading the hobbit has helped me'

but overall it's great

I'd be so grateful if you could take the time to read mine :)


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