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"6th grade incident" - UC transfer. Prompt #2



musiklover 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2008   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Hi Gloria! Just want to say that I really appreciate what you do and think you're great at it. Please feel free to be honest. I know my voice is lacking and the flow is not all that great. But do you think you could tell me whether the content can be improved or if this is even a good topic since it happened such a long time ago? Thanks for this.

One incident as early as 6th grade nostalgically follows me to this day. It was just like any other school day as we sat, quietly working on our responses to a chapter in "Lord of the Flies." But that fated day was the same day I learned that I passed up the opportunity to enroll in the 7th grade English and history honors program. And that was exactly what I wanted to be a part of. I admit I have an incredibly competitive personality that makes me a hungry lion for challenges, and in this case it would be my first attempt at honors English, honors anything. Mrs. Ruiz told us to "see [her]" if we wanted a spot in the program and made it clear that it was a requirement. However, I have always been shy and spent the entire class nervously contemplating whether or not to mark my interest to the teacher. I regretfully found out later that that was indeed the only way I would get in the program. I tried to console myself with thoughts surrounding the fact that I received high marks and was one of the best students in the class. I should have guaranteed myself a spot.

This was a lesson of a lifetime that proved devastating and embarrassing. In the next year as I compared schedules with my friends, it was obvious I was the only one in "regular" English and history. Furthermore, it had dangerously put me on a different path from my future goals, wrestled with my confidence, and what was then expected of me from friends and family. I worked ferociously hard during 7th grade to put together a strong portfolio for 8th grade honors. And I would build a wonderful relationship with the teacher and a respectable and esteemed reputation among my peers. I went on to become the only recipient in my homeroom class accepted into 8th grade honors, welcomed with a congratulatory speech from my teacher, met with ringing applause from entire class. And though I remembered this incident as clearly as it were yesterday at the time, I would fearlessly and confidently apply the following year and received acceptance into 9th grade honors, then 10th grade honors, and eventually enrolled in the hardest AP classes throughout my high school career and even now, this mentally follows me into University of California.

This experience gave me the lesson of a lifetime. When life brings you disappointments and heartbreak, it is never the end. There is always a healthy and clean path to your goal as long as you hold on for the difficult and unpredictable ride, and persistently work hard from beginning to end. I feel proud that even at such a young age, I could accept my fate with astounding maturity after such a big disappointment and did not allow myself to become just another unfortunate story. I did not stray from the targeted path that I once let myself stray. It also relates my strength I am when faced with adversity in life. I have never been one to let others walk on me, but it was during sixth grade that I learned, I walked on myself. As I am experiencing my educational years in the University of California and also in my future careers, I know without any hesitation that I have the confidence and determination to my pursue goals with every ounce of my being.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 20, 2008   #2
I don't think it's a bad example to use; on the contrary, it obviously made an impact, causing you to think of it so many years later. It shows how you turned a bad choice and a difficult "phobia" into success, and proves you can do what you want when you set your mind to it. If you rewrite your sentences to remove the "yous" and conjunctive words, your tone and voice will change and be stronger, more active, as structurally many of those sentences will have to be rewritten to acknowledge the changes. You'll see a drastic impact in the piece when you're finished! Keep up the hard work!


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