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My "granddaddy" - Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you



derby581 1 / -  
Aug 5, 2010   #1
I jumped off the bus bursting with excitement, it was the last day of sixth grade after all, and I looked around for my grandfather who always flies up to Virginia during the last week of school. Then, suddenly, I saw him with his giant smile wading through the crowd of elementary school graduates. My mother's side of the family is full of incredibly smart people, from my grandmother who got a PhD in Romance Languages at Duke to her grandfather Robert Frost. My grandfather, however, has had the largest influence on me throughout my life due to his incredible accomplishments. His life story is what has had a massive influence and impact on my view of what I can achieve.

Along with the end of school, my grandfather, or "granddaddy" as we call him, has flown up from his home in Texas each year for Christmas. One of my favorite Christmases was when I was fourteen and he told my brothers and me the story of when he was our age. He was born in Slovenia in 1930 and by the time he was in his teens, World War two was in full swing. When the Nazis invaded Yugoslavia, they took people's homes and imprisoned anyone they believed was a threat. One day he came home to find German soldiers who had come to take his parents away. His mother, father, and two uncles were put in a local jail, where they were held for four years. Every couple days during that time, my grandfather would go the jail and look for the window where they were being held and wait for his mother's handkerchief that she would wave to acknowledge him. He joined part of a small resistance movement where he had to move guns around and through his town. Here I was living in total comfort worrying about what I wanted for Christmas listening to someone who was moving guns around at my age. But the most incredible part of his story was his academic life. He went to college in Ljubljana, Slovenia and earned a degree in Italian Language and Literature. Then, after traveling to America and having nothing, he earned a Masters Degree in French and Spanish from the University Of Miami, and a PhD. in Romance Languages and Literature from Duke University. At the University of Texas, since 1962, he has been an esteemed professor of Spanish Literature. What inspires me the most about his story is how important going to college was for him especially after all that happened during the war.

When I look at everything that he has achieved and is still achieving, it causes me to realize that with all of the advantages that American students have, college should be only the first step in a long career in academic success. His life has had such an impact on me that it has even influenced my choice major. My goal is to receive a doctorate in The Classics, something that I have wanted to study for my entire high school career.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Aug 6, 2010   #2
Hi Derby, I want to make sure you can learn how to use the corrections to improve your writing. For example, this first one is very important:

I jumped off the bus bursting with excitement. It was the...
--- You need to end the sentence and start a new one instead of just using a comma.

Also, when you put the example at the end of the sentence, use a comma, like this:
to her grandfather, Robert Frost.
You could even explain a little more by adding some words, like this:
...to her grandfather -- the famous American poet, Robert Frost.

This is a great story! I noticed that at the end, you did not make a mistake by Eugene crossed out this part anyway:
something that I have wanted to study for my entire high school career. I think I know why it was crossed out. It seems like an extra, unnecessary phrase. It might be better to end the sentences with 'classics' and then add a sentence to tell about your long term goal -- about what you want to do to make good use of this education.

:-)


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