Please critique this essay. Be as harsh as possible.
Prompt- Tell us about a person who has made on impact in your life and explain why this person is important to you. (9600 characters)
The kind of person I am today is mostly because of my first teacher, my grandfather. He is the person who taught me how to live and the meaning of life.
I still remember how very eagerly, as a child, I would look forward to my summer vacation, because two months of summer holidays would mean our trip to grandpa's house and endless hours of teaching classes there, each day. Grandpa is an awesome teacher. His classes were so interesting that time just flew away while listening to him and I was as enthusiastic at the end of the class as I was at the beginning of it. The teachings comprised of his personal experiences and his childhood memories about his lessons at school. Each day we would discuss about different topics like love, friendship, forgiveness, success and desires. At the end of the class, he would ask me what I had learnt and would then patiently listen to me. One day, when I was at his home, my best friend and I had a petty fight over the phone. For two days, we didn't talk to each other, hoping that the other person would call. Grandpa then told me the importance of friendship and that, that these fights didn't matter much because whatever comes, we were best friends at the end of the day. He also said that if I didn't call and apologize, I would lose her, as a friend, forever. I understood how selfish I had been and called my friend. She was very delighted and said that she was afraid that we weren't friends anymore.
Grandpa didn't always lecture the good things; he himself practiced all of them and set an example for others. During childhood, I used to feel that community work is a sheer waste of time and that, that I should not spoil my time working for the welfare of others. Grandpa then told me that a person is always known for his/her deeds and not for his/her richness. These words got engraved in my mind and from that day onwards, I have always loved doing volunteer work and community service. I understood how narrow- minded I was. Now, I get immense happiness and satisfaction while helping others and long to do so. I have also learnt that it is only by giving, does one receive.
Grandpa tells me to ask myself each night whether I was being the kind of person I would want to be and that, that this would automatically make me a good person. Being his first grandchild, I have always been very close to him. Ever since he had started teaching me, I tried to be like him and this has shaped me into the type of person that I am today. When in dilemma, I always try to remember my classes with grandpa and get a solution. Apart from being a grandfather, grandpa has been my best friend and my role model.
Is this essay too short? Please tell me how to expand this essay. The prescribed word limit is 9600 characters and this essay is just 2657 characters.
Prompt- Tell us about a person who has made on impact in your life and explain why this person is important to you. (9600 characters)
The kind of person I am today is mostly because of my first teacher, my grandfather. He is the person who taught me how to live and the meaning of life.
I still remember how very eagerly, as a child, I would look forward to my summer vacation, because two months of summer holidays would mean our trip to grandpa's house and endless hours of teaching classes there, each day. Grandpa is an awesome teacher. His classes were so interesting that time just flew away while listening to him and I was as enthusiastic at the end of the class as I was at the beginning of it. The teachings comprised of his personal experiences and his childhood memories about his lessons at school. Each day we would discuss about different topics like love, friendship, forgiveness, success and desires. At the end of the class, he would ask me what I had learnt and would then patiently listen to me. One day, when I was at his home, my best friend and I had a petty fight over the phone. For two days, we didn't talk to each other, hoping that the other person would call. Grandpa then told me the importance of friendship and that, that these fights didn't matter much because whatever comes, we were best friends at the end of the day. He also said that if I didn't call and apologize, I would lose her, as a friend, forever. I understood how selfish I had been and called my friend. She was very delighted and said that she was afraid that we weren't friends anymore.
Grandpa didn't always lecture the good things; he himself practiced all of them and set an example for others. During childhood, I used to feel that community work is a sheer waste of time and that, that I should not spoil my time working for the welfare of others. Grandpa then told me that a person is always known for his/her deeds and not for his/her richness. These words got engraved in my mind and from that day onwards, I have always loved doing volunteer work and community service. I understood how narrow- minded I was. Now, I get immense happiness and satisfaction while helping others and long to do so. I have also learnt that it is only by giving, does one receive.
Grandpa tells me to ask myself each night whether I was being the kind of person I would want to be and that, that this would automatically make me a good person. Being his first grandchild, I have always been very close to him. Ever since he had started teaching me, I tried to be like him and this has shaped me into the type of person that I am today. When in dilemma, I always try to remember my classes with grandpa and get a solution. Apart from being a grandfather, grandpa has been my best friend and my role model.
Is this essay too short? Please tell me how to expand this essay. The prescribed word limit is 9600 characters and this essay is just 2657 characters.
