Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
In this essay, I am trying to capture my love for nature and how I want to apply it to my future. Do you think I am successful? It's 315 words :( If you guys notice anything extraneous that could be taken out, that would help a lot. Any other comments would be appreciated as well. :D
My mom says she was one of the biggest black willows in New York. Whenever I would look out my bedroom window, she would always be there with limbs arched protectively over our house, shielding us.
She wasn't the prettiest tree; her boughs didn't stretch nobly to the sky-they were knobby. Unlike other willows, her leaves didn't drape gracefully to the ground; they stuck out in odd, stringy clumps from gnarled limbs. She was hideous-except for her face. Her face was beautiful. If you had lived with her for twelve years you would have seen it too. On her wide trunk was a smile of serenity. She was willing to share what splendor she had with all of nature. She was a mother. Mother nature. Grandma Willow.
Like any other, she aged and died. Her death was slow; she rotted from the inside, out. Entire branches, as big as trees themselves, rotted off her trunk and crashed to the ground. One landed on our neighbor's mailbox. The woman was furious and demanded that we remove the hazard. We defended Grandma Willow. That neighbor soon moved. However, there was an element of truth to what our neighbor had said. Grandma Willow was dangerous because she was already dead. We were clinging to something that no longer existed. Her heart was gone-a pile of mulch in a tree trunk hollow. So we cut her down. It was the closest I've ever been to a funeral.
Now when I look from my window, emptiness hangs in the air where she used to be. But, through missing her I have realized that nature is more than natural resources. The Earth is not here to be utterly consumed by us. As I obtain a higher education, I want to learn what I can do to sustain our planet, so that it may continue to provide for us.
I liked how you were very descriptive and how you said she was hideous:)
However, I was confused when you wrote
Like any other, she aged and died.
Like any other what?
By "Like any other, she aged and died." I meant, "Like any other (living being), she aged and died." I thought it was a given, but if that's confusing I can add it in.
Excellent essay. My one complaint, and I literally only have one complaint, would be your conclusion. It ties it up nicely I suppose, and answers the prompt, but after such a good, descriptive essay it feels pretty formulaic. Your entire answer to the prompt is in this sentence.
"The Earth is not here to be utterly consumed by us. As I obtain a higher education, I want to learn what I can do to sustain our planet, so that it may continue to provide for us."
Its not bad by any means, but this would be improved by either a more resounding and heartfelt finish, or by spreading your "thesis" throughout the paper. Because as it stands now its tons of details, and then you finish with what you think.
Anyway, I'm no expert, but that's my two cents. Best of luck!
I love it, but I think maybe you should write more about what you will do, not just a sentence. to stay within the word limit, you cna cut some descriptions of the tree.