I am task with writing an exemplification essay describing a time when I was completely misunderstood and what I did to correct how I was perceived. I am fortunate enough in that I have been changing myself over the last few years. Here is my introduction:
The great communicator
Arrogant, overbearing, aloof, domineering, abrasive, and demanding - words I had heard before were being used to describe me again. I was hearing the results of an employee survey, and those words and others like them were being used to describe me again. I say again because my daughters had used similar words to describe me in a counseling session, only months prior to that meeting with human resources. It was clear to me that day two years ago that I had to change the way I delivered my message, expectations, and goals to others. I have admittedly been a results-orientated person and the goal had been all that mattered to me, but in delivering my message I was hurting my relationship with my daughters or alienating those who reported to me.
It all started four years ago when I was offered a new position at work, with the expectation that I was to make a cultural change in the teams. The teams had been delivering world class numbers within our industry, but with out utilizing processes or procedures, something required by our company. I am a task driven person the goal, and getting there in the shortest, most efficient way is all that mattered to me. My instructions to the teams were clear that prior to completing any task they were to document the steps required to complete the task. Some of them did not like what I was asking them to do, but I did not feel the need to explain the simple instructions. The business unit was assigned some specialized projects to complete. I quickly understood these projects and assumed that everyone else had understood them also and would act upon the instructions. When I found out the projects were not going to be completed on time I asked if they were able to follow simple directions, and then completed the projects on my own.
My daughters moved from their mother's home in Nevada to live with my wife and me in Texas. While they had lived with their mother they did not have the guidelines and structure we provide in our home, they had been allowed to stay up all hours of the night. My rules were very clear that bedtime at our house was no later than nine o'clock on week nights. I saw no need to explain neither my rules nor the reasons to children. Another rule in our home was to do all assigned school work; my wife would check the online grades daily. On the occasions that work was late or missing the offender was grounded for the weekend. I did not see the need to explain why assignments should have been turned in on time, nor did I accept excuses. I believe that children need structure and getting that structure in their life was my only goal.
Because we had not lived together full time for many years I started counseling sessions with my daughters. Soon after starting I was ask to wait in the lobby or outside. I assumed this meant I had no problems to work on. You can imagine my surprise when I was brought back in and told that I was responsible for most of the communication problems we were experiencing. My daughters thought that I was abrasive, demanding and unreasonable. The counselor explained that as children they needed to know why I enforced the structured life we lived so they could understand. Through joint sessions I came to understand and practice how to guide my children in manner conducive to them.
When the results of the company wide employee survey came out I was shocked to hear that my name was mentioned specifically in a negative connotation. I had really enjoyed my role in driving the cultural change in our organization and had gotten great accolades for doing so. I could not understand how my coworkers described me as abrasive or aloof. I was told that I must change the manner in which I communicated with people. A few of my coworkers were willing to discuss the matter with me in detail. As we discussed my communication skills, it was apparent that they had needed more detail and further discussion, not just the goal. I had never taken the time to explain the projects, because I had assumed that people were knowledgeable about the project. Applying the tools I had learned in counseling I started to rebuild my relationships at work. I began taking more time explaining the needs and background for completing projects; this has allowed me to meet the communication needs of my coworkers.
It has been both rewarding and difficult changing the way I communicate in a manner that meets everyone's needs. With the help of my children, counselor and the feedback from my coworkers I have slowly become a more effective leader both in my professional and personal life. I find that I still struggle waiting for others to understand the reasoning behind some of my decisions but I also reap the rewards of a more willing team. In changing the manner in which I communicate with people I have changed their perception of me.
Thank You, John
The great communicator
Arrogant, overbearing, aloof, domineering, abrasive, and demanding - words I had heard before were being used to describe me again. I was hearing the results of an employee survey, and those words and others like them were being used to describe me again. I say again because my daughters had used similar words to describe me in a counseling session, only months prior to that meeting with human resources. It was clear to me that day two years ago that I had to change the way I delivered my message, expectations, and goals to others. I have admittedly been a results-orientated person and the goal had been all that mattered to me, but in delivering my message I was hurting my relationship with my daughters or alienating those who reported to me.
It all started four years ago when I was offered a new position at work, with the expectation that I was to make a cultural change in the teams. The teams had been delivering world class numbers within our industry, but with out utilizing processes or procedures, something required by our company. I am a task driven person the goal, and getting there in the shortest, most efficient way is all that mattered to me. My instructions to the teams were clear that prior to completing any task they were to document the steps required to complete the task. Some of them did not like what I was asking them to do, but I did not feel the need to explain the simple instructions. The business unit was assigned some specialized projects to complete. I quickly understood these projects and assumed that everyone else had understood them also and would act upon the instructions. When I found out the projects were not going to be completed on time I asked if they were able to follow simple directions, and then completed the projects on my own.
My daughters moved from their mother's home in Nevada to live with my wife and me in Texas. While they had lived with their mother they did not have the guidelines and structure we provide in our home, they had been allowed to stay up all hours of the night. My rules were very clear that bedtime at our house was no later than nine o'clock on week nights. I saw no need to explain neither my rules nor the reasons to children. Another rule in our home was to do all assigned school work; my wife would check the online grades daily. On the occasions that work was late or missing the offender was grounded for the weekend. I did not see the need to explain why assignments should have been turned in on time, nor did I accept excuses. I believe that children need structure and getting that structure in their life was my only goal.
Because we had not lived together full time for many years I started counseling sessions with my daughters. Soon after starting I was ask to wait in the lobby or outside. I assumed this meant I had no problems to work on. You can imagine my surprise when I was brought back in and told that I was responsible for most of the communication problems we were experiencing. My daughters thought that I was abrasive, demanding and unreasonable. The counselor explained that as children they needed to know why I enforced the structured life we lived so they could understand. Through joint sessions I came to understand and practice how to guide my children in manner conducive to them.
When the results of the company wide employee survey came out I was shocked to hear that my name was mentioned specifically in a negative connotation. I had really enjoyed my role in driving the cultural change in our organization and had gotten great accolades for doing so. I could not understand how my coworkers described me as abrasive or aloof. I was told that I must change the manner in which I communicated with people. A few of my coworkers were willing to discuss the matter with me in detail. As we discussed my communication skills, it was apparent that they had needed more detail and further discussion, not just the goal. I had never taken the time to explain the projects, because I had assumed that people were knowledgeable about the project. Applying the tools I had learned in counseling I started to rebuild my relationships at work. I began taking more time explaining the needs and background for completing projects; this has allowed me to meet the communication needs of my coworkers.
It has been both rewarding and difficult changing the way I communicate in a manner that meets everyone's needs. With the help of my children, counselor and the feedback from my coworkers I have slowly become a more effective leader both in my professional and personal life. I find that I still struggle waiting for others to understand the reasoning behind some of my decisions but I also reap the rewards of a more willing team. In changing the manner in which I communicate with people I have changed their perception of me.
Thank You, John
