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'a great learning environment' - essay for Rutgers.


Secundinius 1 / -  
Jan 12, 2012   #1
The question posed by Rutgers is as follows: "Please use the space below to tell us how you believe a Rutgers education will help you achieve your personal enrichment or career goals." and there is a 3800 character limit.

As far as my personal enrichment and career goals are concerned, I aim to earn my masters in Mechanical Engineering, pass the P.E. (Professional Engineer) exam and possibly pursue a bachelors/masters in robotic engineering sometime in the future. For personal enrichment, I wish to undo the wasted time of the past few years in which I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my life by going to college and making something of myself for the sake of my fiancee and unborn son.

My reason for choosing Rutgers is it's reputation as a great university and has a notable history with graduates who have achieved their own greatness in their respective fields of study and I wish to join those people by doing the same in my field of study.

I want to make this essay good, but I don't want to make it seem that I'm writing for the sake of filling space or giving lip service to the university just to get in. I've had a rough time of this essay, but I can answer this question in the most basic of senses: Rutgers will provide a great learning environment for me to earn my degree in and the students and faculty will allow me to grow as a person by interacting with a diverse group of people from different backgrounds. I'm a direct and to-the-point type of person, but I feel this essay should be a little more involved and have more body to it.

Thanks in advance for whatever help you may be able to provide for me.
mkpack 1 / 3  
Jan 13, 2012   #2
"Rutgers will provide a great learning environment for me to earn my degree in and the students and faculty will allow me to grow as a person by interacting with a diverse group of people from different backgrounds. "

There you go. Elaborate on that. Why will it provide a great learning enviroment? How will it? Whats your degree? How will the students contribute to you growth? how will the faculty contribute to your growth? How will you grow? How will you interact?

This might just be me, but this seems melodramatic, kind of whiny: "I wish to undo the wasted time of the past few years in which I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my life by going to college and making something of myself for the sake of my fiancee and unborn son."

If you have the time I would greatly appreciate your comments on mine: Read 2012 Admission Essay! PLEASE CRITIQUE AND WILL HELP BACK
echo5016 5 / 9 1  
Jan 13, 2012   #3
Tell them about your dominance and why you eager to studying in Rutgers University.
To my opinion, the very important thing is the word "enrichment".
Why they should take you as their student?
I think that might be a point that you can write about it.

Wish your essay brilliant and let yourself satisfied with it!!


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