Hello all,
Below is my essay in response to "Reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and how these reasons are related to your past exp. and life goals"
Please critique my essay and tell me anything I can improve. I felt my transition from paragraph to paragraph is very weak, would you guys please comment (on anything at all would be greatly appreciated)?
Thank you sincerely.
------------- Essay:
Dear sir/madam, how are you doing today? Please forgive me for opening my essay in such an informal manner, for I'm afraid I might begin and bore you with a cliché. The Peace Corps has always been a growing interest of mine since junior year in college. I see the Peace Corps as a special opportunity for me to make positive impacts on those who are underprivileged and to grow as a person while experiencing life in a different country.
As a college sophomore, I was a peer tutor for Pre-Calculus and Calculus at the university learning center, where I assisted fellow students who had difficulties with the subjects. Some needed help with homework and some needed help with new mathematic concepts just learned in class that day, so I explained the concepts, or at least tried to, in a simpler way than the professor to them, showed them how to tackle homework problems, and as the last resort, solved the problems for them. It was a great experience because not only I was able to help out my fellow students; I also help them to help themselves. It was a wonderful feeling to see someone solved math problems that he used to have trouble with before on his own, or when a student came in and said he did well on the test because he understood a theorem better and was able to apply it correctly. However, self-gratification was never the goal in my mind; it was only a by-product of the effort and willingness to help those who in need of help. I'm simply glad that I left a real and positive mark in my schoolmates' study.
One of the main reasons I wanted to be part of the Peace Corps is that the Corps presents a great opportunity for me to mature, in most aspects, as an adult, one equipped with the understanding and the desire to make something out of myself - to carve my own place in the society. I want take what I learned in school to the world, not only the textbook knowledge, but also the interpersonal and social skills, and see how useful I can be.
I am confident that I can satisfy all 10 of the Peace Corps Core Expectation as they are very reasonable and fair. I am open-minded and respectful of others and their culture. I believe that I can quickly adapt to the new environment and be helpful to all whom around me. If accepted and deployed, I hope to make positive influence on the destination community, and hope to learn from them lessons that can't be taught within the classroom walls.
Below is my essay in response to "Reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and how these reasons are related to your past exp. and life goals"
Please critique my essay and tell me anything I can improve. I felt my transition from paragraph to paragraph is very weak, would you guys please comment (on anything at all would be greatly appreciated)?
Thank you sincerely.
------------- Essay:
Dear sir/madam, how are you doing today? Please forgive me for opening my essay in such an informal manner, for I'm afraid I might begin and bore you with a cliché. The Peace Corps has always been a growing interest of mine since junior year in college. I see the Peace Corps as a special opportunity for me to make positive impacts on those who are underprivileged and to grow as a person while experiencing life in a different country.
As a college sophomore, I was a peer tutor for Pre-Calculus and Calculus at the university learning center, where I assisted fellow students who had difficulties with the subjects. Some needed help with homework and some needed help with new mathematic concepts just learned in class that day, so I explained the concepts, or at least tried to, in a simpler way than the professor to them, showed them how to tackle homework problems, and as the last resort, solved the problems for them. It was a great experience because not only I was able to help out my fellow students; I also help them to help themselves. It was a wonderful feeling to see someone solved math problems that he used to have trouble with before on his own, or when a student came in and said he did well on the test because he understood a theorem better and was able to apply it correctly. However, self-gratification was never the goal in my mind; it was only a by-product of the effort and willingness to help those who in need of help. I'm simply glad that I left a real and positive mark in my schoolmates' study.
One of the main reasons I wanted to be part of the Peace Corps is that the Corps presents a great opportunity for me to mature, in most aspects, as an adult, one equipped with the understanding and the desire to make something out of myself - to carve my own place in the society. I want take what I learned in school to the world, not only the textbook knowledge, but also the interpersonal and social skills, and see how useful I can be.
I am confident that I can satisfy all 10 of the Peace Corps Core Expectation as they are very reasonable and fair. I am open-minded and respectful of others and their culture. I believe that I can quickly adapt to the new environment and be helpful to all whom around me. If accepted and deployed, I hope to make positive influence on the destination community, and hope to learn from them lessons that can't be taught within the classroom walls.
