Hi this is my first post to the forum because Im currently filling out college applications and would like some advice on my essay.
Currently I am working on an essay for undergraduate admissions at Virginia Tech and I have written my essay but it is too long and I would like to get some opinions as to whether or not I am going in the right direction or if I am way way off as far as an admissions essay should look. If I could get any advice on sentences that are not relevant and should be deleted i would be greatly appreciative. Thank you!
Here is the prompt:
Confucius once said, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Discuss one of your most significant failures and how you rose above it.
Essay Response: (Length = 348 words, Must be 250 words or less)
"I'm sorry but you did not make the cut." The words rained from my orchestra instructor's lips and crashed into my ears like rusty nails. Confusion, indignation and despondency filled my strained body. The tedious hours of memorizing scales, the blistered and calloused fingers, and the late nights spent giving the solo "one more try"; had failed. In this moment, I was not a cellist of the elect philharmonic orchestra of my high school. I was however a member of the standard and remedial symphonic orchestra, known for sounding like tortured kittens. Excusing myself from the meeting with my instructor, I trudged out of the classroom whilst biting my lip in vexation. This was my wakeup call. I was not the elite cellist I had believed myself to be. I was however, inadequate in my skills; unable to play basic rhythms without hiccups of incorrect notes and lack of tempo. Upon further inspection, a realization occurred; I had not done everything in my power to reach my potential as a musician: I could achieve more. Using the remaining time of my sophomore year of high school, I dedicated myself to becoming the elite musician I had hoped of achieving. I took advantage of extra moments in the classroom; challenging myself more and more. Outside of class, I spent my free time in an effort to fine-tune all my skills. With each passing day my abilities improved and I began to realize just how far I had come from that day when I failed to join the advanced orchestra. Without the realization that I was not the musician I wanted to be, I would have become stagnant in my skill level. I would not have become the cellist I am today who knows what it takes to succeed. The saying "Jack of all trades, master of none" does not apply to myself, for I try to master and hone all of my skills to the highest caliber possible. Determination and a hunger to become ever better is the driving force to my personality as a result of a failure.
Thank you for any help!
Currently I am working on an essay for undergraduate admissions at Virginia Tech and I have written my essay but it is too long and I would like to get some opinions as to whether or not I am going in the right direction or if I am way way off as far as an admissions essay should look. If I could get any advice on sentences that are not relevant and should be deleted i would be greatly appreciative. Thank you!
Here is the prompt:
Confucius once said, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Discuss one of your most significant failures and how you rose above it.
Essay Response: (Length = 348 words, Must be 250 words or less)
"I'm sorry but you did not make the cut." The words rained from my orchestra instructor's lips and crashed into my ears like rusty nails. Confusion, indignation and despondency filled my strained body. The tedious hours of memorizing scales, the blistered and calloused fingers, and the late nights spent giving the solo "one more try"; had failed. In this moment, I was not a cellist of the elect philharmonic orchestra of my high school. I was however a member of the standard and remedial symphonic orchestra, known for sounding like tortured kittens. Excusing myself from the meeting with my instructor, I trudged out of the classroom whilst biting my lip in vexation. This was my wakeup call. I was not the elite cellist I had believed myself to be. I was however, inadequate in my skills; unable to play basic rhythms without hiccups of incorrect notes and lack of tempo. Upon further inspection, a realization occurred; I had not done everything in my power to reach my potential as a musician: I could achieve more. Using the remaining time of my sophomore year of high school, I dedicated myself to becoming the elite musician I had hoped of achieving. I took advantage of extra moments in the classroom; challenging myself more and more. Outside of class, I spent my free time in an effort to fine-tune all my skills. With each passing day my abilities improved and I began to realize just how far I had come from that day when I failed to join the advanced orchestra. Without the realization that I was not the musician I wanted to be, I would have become stagnant in my skill level. I would not have become the cellist I am today who knows what it takes to succeed. The saying "Jack of all trades, master of none" does not apply to myself, for I try to master and hone all of my skills to the highest caliber possible. Determination and a hunger to become ever better is the driving force to my personality as a result of a failure.
Thank you for any help!
