My greatest talent or skill: Dance/Choreography. Why is this meaningful to you?

Hi! Could someone help me and critique what I wrote? I would really appreciate any feedback! Thank you!!!

What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Things to consider: If there's a talent or skill that you're proud of, this is the time to share it. You don't necessarily have to be recognized or have received awards for your talent (although if you did and you want to talk about it, feel free to do so). Why is this talent or skill meaningful to you?

I love to dance, although I wasn't born with natural flexibility, beautiful turnout, great feet, or a ballerina's body. I've been able to overcome these challenges by stretching, practicing every day, working on artistry, and choreographing creative pieces. Dance is my release and a big part of who I am. I never tire of it even when my body aches or when my parents sigh over having to drive me to class.

I've learned to use dance to tell stories without words. I enjoy creating pieces of art and seeing my ideas become realities when I choreograph. I've done six pieces and the most rewarding is my "Body Love" dance, which was extremely challenging because it was so personal and forced me to be open and vulnerable. I tried to express how my worst fear wasn't spiders or monsters but rather the mirror as it was a blatant reflection of my flaws as seen by my favorite craft. Dance, specifically ballet, idealizes a praying mantis-like physique and I have a more muscular frame. As disparities between my body and the prima ballerinas' figures became evident, I began to dread ballet class and being told I don't have a dancer's body. Though my dance, I wanted to share my struggle with bodily insecurities. The ability I have as a dancer to convey a story on stage is what makes my art special to me. It's incredibly rewarding spreading the message that anyone can dance and be good at what they're passionate about.

My highlight is when I performed a Chinese cultural dance on television in Beijing. Combining my identity with my favorite activity was very rewarding. I'm also very proud of competing in Youth American Grand Prix, the largest dance competition in the world. One of the few to make the finals in New York, I was surprised since many of the competitors practice 40 hours per week. I'm also honored that I earned the position of captain on my school's dance team since I started out as a timid freshman. Through that role, I developed my leadership skills.

I hope to expand into a greater variety of dance styles and continue to express my creativity through choreographing. I want to inspire dancers to reach for their goals whether or not other people believe in them.

Dance has taught me a lesson I will remember for the rest of my life: Hard work beats talent any day...work hard, dream big and you will see results.

I love to dance. althoughEven though I wasn't born with natural flexibility,(...) body, I'veI have been able to overcome these ...

ThoughThrough my dance, I wanted to share ...
It's incredibly rewarding spreading ...This last sentence is a little awkward.

My highlightThe highlight of my dancing career occurred in Beijing as I performed a traditional, cultural Chinese dance on live television.is when I performed a Chinese cultural ...

... my favorite activity was very rewardingYou already said rewarding, reword this

Hi,

I know that these essays have a word limit and that makes it extremely difficult to get everything you want to say down coherently in a way that best describes how you feel. I do not think that you exactly answered the prompt. You did describe dance as your greatest talent/skill, but you did not really discuss exactly how you developed it. At the end you reference hard work, but this hard work was not referenced in the body of your supplement. You described various experiences you had and what dance has meant to you, which is a good start, but I would recommend that you tie in how your hard work has contributed to the mastery of your skill and back up the claim that you made at the end of the essay. Blatantly describe how hard work led you to the culminating moment of performing a dance in Beijing. I think you are trying to fit too much into this essay regarding your achievements but also what it means to you, which is resulting in a weaker supplement. I would stick to the mirror dance and how even though you don't necessarily have the natural "talent" or body for ballet or dancing, your hard work has allowed you to overcome this obstacle such that your developed dancing skills that you have worked hard for is your greatest skill, the one you are most proud of because "hard work beats talent any day."

Elaine, I find that your essay was misled in direction by the opening statement that you presented. That is because you downplayed your dance skills and chose instead to speak of how you have worked hard to improve your talent. Rather than opening with that statement, you should consider opening with the second paragraph instead. That is because the second paragraph has a more literary way of presenting your positive and inspiring response to the prompt. The first paragraph doesn't accomplish that and does not help to move your essay forward in any manner. Therefore, it is my opinion that you can delete that paragraph.

Now, the second to the last statement that you have in your essay doesn't help to support the prompt requirements. In fact, it talks about something that is not being asked for in the provided instructions. Therefore, it should not be found in this essay. Exactly, you have you remove those two sentences because there should never be any prompt deviation in your response. Keep the focus only on the topic provided for discussion. That way when you present the lesson paragraph at the end, the whole sentiment and understanding of what you are explaining comes across clearly to the reviewer.