Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 2


"Ground me." - University Of Virginia RD Supplement Essay



AU0594 15 / 31  
Dec 13, 2011   #1
This is a rough draft, please help me revise :)!!
Discuss something you secretly like but pretend not to, or vice versa.
"Ground me." "What?" My mom exclaimed, a perplexed expression on her face. "I don't want to go ice skating, so I need you to ground me," I explained calmly, as if daughters begging their mothers to be grounded wasn't strange. It's not that I wasn't enthusiastic about ice skating in 80 degree "winter" weather in a rink that rivaled a dog bowl in size; I was just more enthusiastic about spending my one "free" Saturday night baking cupcakes and reading my cherished nutrition magazines. Plus, knowing my friends, while skating, they'd have an epiphany that their night would be forever memorable if we partook in additional activities when the rink closed. I shuddered at the thought of arriving home past my curfew and having to deal with my mother's death stare; my inner grandma would much rather retire to bed at an early hour. However, I couldn't admit this to my friends; I couldn't admit that the girl that once wouldn't miss a social outing for the world now prefers to stay home on a SATURDAY NIGHT and spend time bonding with her mother over Martha Stewart activities. I'd be forever teased and called a "loser." "You're grounded," my mom said, excitement beaming from her face. I picked up my phone. "I can't skate today, I'm grounded" I muttered, rolling my eyes. "I envy you ; I'll be stuck at home bored while you're skating." I hanged up and smiled; I'd never felt so much felicity from a "punishment".

kerg945 1 / 1  
Dec 13, 2011   #2
Hey!
I really love your essay! Your personality really shows through!

Just a few little things:
Plus, knowing my friends, while skating, they'd have an epiphany that their night would be forever memorable if we(shouldn't it be they?) partook in additional activities when the rink closed.

"You're grounded," my mom said, beaming with excitement. (I dunno, just flows better)

I hanged up and smiled... (is it hanged up or hung up?)

"my inner grandma would much rather retire to bed at an early hour"- I love this

Great job!


Home / Undergraduate / "Ground me." - University Of Virginia RD Supplement Essay
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳