growing up with a sibling - stanford supplement letter to roomate

Topic:Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better

"Oh my god it's on fire!" I woke up from the screams and ran out to see the source of the commotion. There was smoke in the air; my brother had set the toaster on fire. I quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher to douse the flames. Many people would say that growing up with a sibling was an enjoyable experience. I would say the opposite. Growing up with a brother was an appalling experience for me; my brother was a burden. I was forced to split everything that I received with him: from food to money to the computer. In addition, he would harass me to no end. As a result of my brother's irritable nature, I generally do not like to stay indoors because that is where he usually is. When I have time I like to go outside and do some physical activity such as swimming, playing tennis, or riding my bike just to get a reprieve. On the other hand, I can also cook and I have been cooking for my entire family since I was in middle school. Growing up, there was a need for me to be able to cook because my father was rarely home and my mother came home late at night exhausted and unable to do any work. A few good things did come out of having an irritable brother though. I became more responsible because I had to take responsibility of my family, especially my brother and I became more patient.

Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Happy to take a look at your essay

Hey!
Love the message that you're trying to convey, but some parts of your essay may come off as a little harsh: 'my brother was a burden'

maybe reword these types of phrases a little, or just sum it up with a phrase like 'sibling rivalry'
you want to sound positive and welcoming, so maybe focus more on how you became independent and responsible, and how you turned a negative situation and turned it into a positive impact on your life. Focus more on YOU and the type of person you are!

Would love some feedback on mine as well!

Thanks for your help. I agree with Sammie.. i think you should focus more on the things that make you the person that you are and how this will affect your relationship with your roommate. I see you wrote some stuff that you like... but you need to include more... think of all the things that you would like to know about your roommate and then share those stuff about you with them. Oh and with the sibling rivalry thing, I think you should soften it a bit as it might make you come off as being selfish and that's definitely not a quality they look for in roommate.

I liked the message you were trying to convey by linking your brother to the personality traits you developed in order to deal with him. I also agree about softening the brother part though. Finally, the last 2 sentences kinda sound a bit off so try rewording them so they fit with the flow of your essay.

Could you also look on my Stanford essays.

It was not completely appalling since you gained your good qualities from your brother's bad qualities or troublesome antics, so maybe substitute the word appalling.

Also, instead of saying burden, try substituting with troublesome or handful for better context.


Many people do??? I also have a troublesome brother, so I find the statement funny!


The last statement should direct toward your roommate. Remember that this is a note to your roommate. You can directly state that you will show these qualities toward your roommate somehow.

Overall, I like the message you are trying to get across!

Hello. I like the general idea of the essay but maybe you should say something like how a new roommate will change your perspective on sharing? Since you point out how you hated sharing things with your brother, if your new roommate was actually reading that, they may feel put off by it. Other than that, I thought your essay was nice ^^

Great overall message, but i read between the lines. you're trying to hint the AO so please just outwardly express how these events contributed to your character!! thanks for checking out my essay!! & please don't be discouraged, just take all these tips and utilize them to the absolute best to fix your essay.