So I decided to write a whole new essay because I realized that my previous one is just terrible and lacking a lot of character. I think this one is more expressive, or "personal," I should say, BUT this is incredibly last minute. It's my first draft and it didn't take me nearly as much time as I had with my other essays. Anyway, please be as critical as possible
. After you read this essay, you'll know that I would love to hear all the constructive criticisms!
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
As much as I loved my childhood, I cried nearly every week- not because of physical pain, bullying, or anything an average kid would reasonably cry about- but because of my Science teacher teasing me about a boy, my dad making fun of my high-pitched sneeze, or my relatives forcing me to sing karaoke in front of a crowd. Looking back on the dreadful fragment of my childhood, I was indeed pathetic and fragile. But as I was approaching adolescence, I had a sudden change of heart. I haven't cried in nearly six years.
When I came to America at eleven years old, I encountered the pressure of finding my place in a terribly unfamiliar crowd. In fifth grade, I was always lucky enough to go through daily discussions without uttering a word, but one day, my teacher called my name, asked me to provide a sentence pertaining to the lesson, and I instantly froze, with all of my classmates' eyes fixed on me in deafening silence. I felt a rush of heat run through my face, and I was certain that by the moment I articulate a word, my voice would quiver. I was on the verge of tears, but I held back and hesitantly answered.
In sixth grade, my Math class required a great deal of participation. I always received the best test scores, but never the best class grade because of my immense lack of social involvement. My teacher once confronted me and said, "You are the quietest person I have ever known." Because of my strong dread for confrontation, I was on the verge of tears, but I held back and hesitantly smiled. That was the last misty-eyed feeling that I remember.
I entered high school as a nobody, unfamiliar with every face, but it didn't matter. Teachers singled me out for answers, which often left me mortified but never tearful like before. I breezed through class presentations without sensing an impending nervous breakdown. I have even encountered the most judgmental individuals who were cruel enough to voice their spiteful minds, but their words did not affect me.
I despised the feeling of vulnerability. I wept over the most ridiculous things, and it made me feel defenseless; I was a child without a voice. Throughout the subsequent years, I faced cruel criticisms about my work, my writing, and even my countenance, but I dealt with every single judgment with a smile. I simply grew up.
---- I know it's lacking a lot of things, but I just want to know if I should work on this essay or stick with my old one.