My first essay was 694 words...So this one had to be 306 to meet the Application Limit of 1000 words. I would greatly appreciate quick feedback! Thank you!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
AP Tests were coming up...What was I to do? The early weeks of May 2011 were some of the most stressful of my life. The 2 week AP Testing deadline was fast approaching, and I was at a loss for what I should do. As you know, AP Tests are taken for 2 weeks in May. The weekend in between these weeks? The SATs. The week after? Dance performance. My AP US Teacher (no longer allowed to teach AP) left me at a great disadvantage for his test, while Statistics wasn't looking to be the easiest test in the world either...and all the while I worried myself sick about the SATs. In addition, I was part of a cultural folk dance group and we were having a performance the week following. So the news from my doctor that I might have a heart disease was not exactly the most exciting thing in the world; but, I didn't let it affect me. That's something that has always fascinated me about myself: The fact that I don't let stress get to me. Rather than submit to pressure and back away from the challenge, I faced it. I have handled almost everything, from personal ailments to deaths in the family, and I am proud to say that I am still able to stand tall and say that I triumphed over the stress of life. That time period was particularly taxing to me, because it essentially decided my future. If I did poorly on either the AP Tests or the SATs, it would affect the course my life would take. But I saw it as an opportunity to grow as a person. I figured that if I could study under conditions such as this, then college may as well give me its best shot, because I'm giving mine right back.
I personally think that this personal statement needs to be more cohesive as a whole. And your opening sentence is not the strongest way to start your statement.
The sentence, "As you know, AP Tests are taken for 2 weeks in May," is a bit awkward to be... also the rhetorical questions don't work for me either.
Maybe you can improve your essay by shortening the first five sentences about the SATs and AP tests because it just seems unnecessary to list everything. and emphasize on how you have managed to deal with everything
But as years passed, things changed. He changed.
-Awkward. Try reading it.
AP Testing was creeping closer and closer all the time, and I was at a complete loss for what to do
-"AP Testing were creeping closer and closer; I was at a complete loss on what to do"
I don't want to sound like a jerk but, I think you need to revise this a little more. Try reading your essay out loud. It makes it easier to catch the awkward sentences you wrote.
If you need any help, just message me!
Good luck on your Admissions!
Regards~
